Privacy in your relationship

[burnin_vernon]

Something I've never encountered before...

I was in the market to buy my girlfriend a camera for Christmas. Not knowing what she wanted exactly, I sent her best friend a message 10 days ago via facebook asking her if she had any ideas. (She never responded and I went ahead and bought one anyways)

Today, I opened my browser and my facebook was open to that very message. Now, my computer is connected to my TV and is pretty much the hub of our living room entertainment. It's mostly me who uses it, but she goes on occasionally, which is fine, because aside from this, I have nothing to hide.

I'm not a privacy freak or anything, and I'm not even sure if this bothers me enough to bring it up, but it seems a little iffy to explore ones facebook messages. Now that I think about it, she could easily check my email too. Again, nothing to hide there, but the idea of it is weird.

My girlfriend is one of the "cool ones". She isn't insecure, she's very honest, we have good communication, she's completely committed to me, and we have a very loving relationship. She likely stumbled onto my facebook (it's not difficult on my browser) and had a devil-on-the-shoulder moment. I don't think any less of her for it, but this is one honest example of why she shouldn't look at such things.

So I wonder who here has similar stories and how they precieve/deal with it. Or, even more curious, does anyone here keep each others' facebook, email, etc. completely open and accessible to each other?

Regardless of all that, how should I deal with the camera gift? Should I just pretend I never saw this and watch her fake surprise? Do I tell her I know now? Do I tell her I know after she opens it and laugh it off? She doesn't know it was to be a Christmas gift but I really wanted it to be a surprise so that part sucks.

If anyone has any harmless, yet diabolical ways of turning this around on her, I'm open to suggestions. (Something along the lines of giving her a crappy gift in the morning and making her wait until the next day to give her the camera.)

[chemgear]

Give her the camera but make sure that the memory card is full of pictures you've taken of her facebook messages/email messages.

. . . and maybe her panty drawer.

[terminator]

Nudes/

[WhiteTiger]

It's a matter of trust, I guess. my wife is very understanding about this, as I've been cheated on in the past and have some trust issues myself. I have 'my' computer, and she has 'hers', and like most folks, we have passwords and whatnot saved. If she wanted, she could look at my email/fb stuff, and I could hers. But neither of us do. Like you said, it was probably just happenstance (though 'round this time of the year, you'd think folks would be more careful...)

I'd be tempted to see if you could find an old, working Polaroid somewhere, and give that to her as the 'crazy' gift. Tell her you were thinking modern, but figured that an older one would be better. ;P

[prarieboy]

Just give her the gift as if you didn't know she knew about it.

Allow her some leeway in the matter.

Complete trust in a relationship takes time.

[Ozy_Flame]

Just keep it as blackmail for when you need it later. Nothing wrong with stocking ammo for a day when you'll need it.

[PsYcNeT]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

Just keep it as blackmail for when you need it later. Nothing wrong with stocking ammo for a day when you'll need it.

Apparently this is what makes a relationship healthy.

[Daradon]

I'm like my privacy, so for me, I would confront her, but not in an angry or even accusing way. Just ask her if she did it. If she denies it, let it slide but make it known you don't think it's cool. If she admits, tell her it's not a big deal, but please don't do it in the future. Mention you have nothing you're hiding from her, but you do enjoy having a bit of privacy. Even tell her, that if something is bugging her, she is welcome to come to you and talk about it. Maybe even let her know that your fine with letting her in to things like that, but she needs to ask first.

I'm a bit of a private person, so things like that are important to me. Gotta be honest if it bugs you. I have nothing to hide, but I do appreciate the respect that comes with respecting my space and private things.

Of course, if it doesn't bug you so much, you could just let it go. No harm, no foul sort of thing. It would definitely make things easier. But only if it doesn't bug you, cause if it does, it'll come out somehow sooner or later. Might as well be now.

[Diemenz]

My wife knows all my passwords and all my logins, I don't put a password on my phone or my computer.

It's very liberating to not have anything to hide.

If she comes across a receipt for a present for her it that's a bonus because I get the "I'm guilty" special treatment which normally results in my favourite dinner or being able to watch archer, repeatedly.

Give her the camera and let the guilt lead to special treatment .

[Mr.Coffee]

Think about one year ahead. Is this something that will matter to you?

Yes? Deal with it, talk to her.

No? Who cares then. If you got nothing to hide you got nothing to hide, she's the one ruining her own surprise.

[Kipper is King]

I read an article which described how some consider sharing passwords for things like social media, emails and even online banking to be a normal part of a relationship "getting more serious." I asked others if this really was the case for some people, and some replied yes.

I was horrified hearing about that. I think personal information, especially when a couple is not married/common-law should be kept personal. You never know how that could bite back in the event of a breakup. Ultimately, having trust in each other means you don't feel the need to have each other's passwords.

[iggy_oi]

Wonder if she ends up reading this thread too

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by iggy_oi

Wonder if she ends up reading this thread too

Nah, that's jhunt's girl.

[NuclearPizzaMan]

Create a monument to honesty with the bones of her family. Make it tall.

[Mazrim]

My wife loves to troll me when I stay logged in on facebook, so she doesn't get my password for that. Anything else, I don't care if she has access.

[GreenLantern]

She probably checked that message as it was to her best friend, a nightmare among females I think is having their boyfriend sleep with one of their friends?

Give her the benefit of the doubt that it was a one time thing based on these circumstances and move forward OR call her on it and ask for an explanation. Those are really the only two options. You can't bring this up later on in a fight as it will make it a lot worse.

Just be damn sure it wasn't you that left that particular message open as this is a big accusation to make.

[troutman]

Posting embarrassing comments on our friend's open Facebooks, is great fun.

[REDVAN]

My wife doesn't really look at my phone (as far as I know), but I do leave my email and facebook signed in automatically on my iPad and home computer.

She could creep through everything... but it would annoy me because I'd think she was suspicious or not trusting me.

I don't look at her email, facebook, or phone- don't have a reason to.

[ranchlandsselling]

Don't confront her about it - but do sleep with the best friend.

[GP_Matt]

I leave everything open on our shared computer. She uses Firefox and I use Chrome so that we can store passwords and such without grief.
My wife could go through my email and Facebook but as far as I know she doesn't. I certainly don't go through hers.
Ii subscribe to the theory that I really don't want to know things that I am not supposed to know. This applies at work and home. I occasionally log into my boss' computer to grab a email or file if he isn't here but willfully don't look at anything that wasn't meant for me.
There is nothing worse than knowing half the information about a topic that you can't bring up because you shouldn't know about it.