Anyone here in their 30's and still single? But want marriage? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Cluelessboy · 10-08-2011, 12:39 AM

Hi I ask this because usually when someone is in their 30's, theyre in the process of getting married and having kids, starting a family (if not already). Im almost 31 and have been single for 2.5 years now (I wont get into that right now, but im finding it very difficult to meet a nice woman in this city, for example, one whos not a gold digger).

When you're in your 20s, ok...youre still young and thats the time when you focus on school and career and play and test the waters. But to me when youre in your 30s youre in a different scenario, cause I dont want to be getting married and having kids when Im in my 40's.

So for any of you in your 30s and still single, but want a family eventually, do you find it more stressful now being in your 30s than say 20s? How do you keep patient and hopeful? Do you have family harassing you asking when youre going to get married? lol

And before someone says "youre still young, you have lotssss of time"....unfortunately I dont see it that way, cause getting married is a long process, it takes many years to get to know someone on a marriage comfort level. And when youre single it just eats up valuable time. But Im just not the type who will propose to a girl 3 weeks after meeting lol. When I was in college my goal was to get married by 30.

BBQorMILDEW · 10-08-2011, 01:24 AM

I'm 29 and I totally get what you're saying. Next week, I'll be in Mexico for my buddies wedding. I am sadly, the last one of my friends to get married. Is it a bad thing? Well, in ways, yes... I don't get invited to the "couples functions" since I got single.

Oh well..

To be perfectly honest with you.. I'd rather be single and happy than married and miserable. I'm nit saying that marriage makes you miserable. But in my last relationship, it got to the point where I would've been unhappy. Sure, it sucks not being married, but at the same time, I'm out doing my own thing and I really enjoy that.

Someone will come along and sweep me off my feet. I'm sure of it.

But for now, I'm enjoying the fact that Calgary has almost 300 thousand more people living here than when I first started dating my ex. Lots of women, lots of hookups and if you're not careful, lots of diseases.

Stop stressing bro.

Drury18 · 10-08-2011, 01:25 AM

By putting a deadline on getting married you are just setting yourself up for desperation moves, settling, forcing things that aren't meant to happen and ultimately a miserable marriage or divorce.

It'll happen when it happens. If you try to force it along, you will just find yourself in the same position a few years later and probably a few thousand dollars less paying for the fallout.

Sr. Mints · 10-08-2011, 01:29 AM

It's like misplacing a set of keys: The usual, obvious places get searched first, then frustration sets in and you move on to absurd hiding spots like on top of the fridge and behind books on your bookcase. Then you start moving furniture around and blaming your pets and yelling at them to get out of the way when they walk in front of you while you're hurrying from room to room, sweat starting to bead on your lower back.

Then the phone rings, and after spending two minutes confirming your dentist appointment the following Tuesday, you reach to put the phone on the cradle only to to discover your keys on top of the phone, practically in plain sight.

OffsideSpecialist · 10-08-2011, 01:33 AM

I don't have much to add, but hey, I have a great uncle that didn't marry until he was 67. Take your time and do what makes you happy. Don't rush things just so that you conform with everybody else and make your parents happy.

AFireInside · 10-08-2011, 02:08 AM

If you are meeting lots of similar women, in this case gold diggers, have you ever thought maybe it's the type of woman you like? Change up your standards and tastes a little bit.

If you are always picking the decked out girl wearing the $500 jeans carrying the $800 handbag you will likely always get girls who care about money.

That said, getting married is just a ceremony. In my opinion it's pretty meaningless these days, why make it a life goal.

I've been with my girl for 8 years now, and we aren't even bothering to get married, because really what's the difference? A piece of paper. The way I look at it, I might as well be married I have to deal with all the same stuff a married man deals with (good and bad!).

That said I'm not against marriage, if my girl really wanted to get married I would do it in a second. Do what makes you happy!

Just don't set a deadline for it. Meet someone nice, get to know them and enjoy your time with them. If it takes you 10 years of being together to get to that point, who cares, you can't force it.

You are probably scaring away a ton of girls be mentioning marriage at the get go! lol.

CaptainCrunch · 10-08-2011, 02:29 AM

44 and still single, and I'm ok with that now, if the right girl comes around thats awesome because I only want to do the getting married thing once.

I get tons of grief from family, I get those pitying looks from my married friends who try to set me up with their single friends, and then they get pissed at me when it doesn't work out.

Plus I still don't know if I'm a good enough person to raise kids, I still have a mean streak a mile wide and I'm a totally self involved d$$k according to a lot of people.

T@T · 10-08-2011, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cluelessboy

but im finding it very difficult to meet a nice woman in this city, for example, one whos not a gold digger).

Sorry to break it to ya.

All woman are gold diggers.

Captain_Obvious · 10-08-2011, 03:51 AM

Early 30s here and still single.

Figure I want to get married some day but I've kind of always thought that. Always figured it would be some day down the road. Still feels that way and now I'm north of 30.

I work a lot right now traveling to the US once every couple months hustling to make my business work. A lot of future plans depend on being free to travel and possibly relocate so am apprehensive to get tied down for now.

I also hate the sound of screaming children and loath 90% of the "family" type sightings I come across in public. Have too many friends trapped in unfufilling marriages and it scares me.

Probably just the typical not wanting to grow up / scared of commitment thing but I'm in no rush to go down a road that doesn't feel right.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

Mightyfire89 · 10-08-2011, 05:00 AM

I'll try to spare you the self righteous bull####, but, DUDE, enjoy being single! Being married seems like a great concept, but it's a lot of work. I couldn't love my wife more, but if I had a time machine, I'll tell you what...

Point, enjoy being single while you can. Once it's gone...

WilsonFourTwo · 10-08-2011, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cluelessboy

When I was in college my goal was to get married by 30.

My goal was to be a Billionaire by 30.....You worry too much.

Being 32 and single is a bit more stressful than being 28 and single I suppose, but its not that big of a deal. Here are two realizations/thoughts that set my mind at ease (on this topic anyways!)

1. I know a couple of guys (Both in late forties) that have become first time fathers in recent years. The reality is that being 30ish in 1975 (my Dad) isn't much different than being 40ish in 2011. These guys live well, have a balanced life, and will be perfectly capable of 'Playing catch' with their kids. And not to judge my other friends/colleagues, but these two guys are definitely the "Proudest Papas" that I know. Bottom line.....we have more time nowadays.

2. Of the people I know that have gotten divorced (sadly, many of them), the majority of them got married in their early-to-mid-twenties. Generally speaking, those who got married later on appear (to me) happier. I assume that this has to do with maturity and life experience.....two things that I'm sure help sustain a strong and healthy marriage. My Uncle is WAY happier than I've ever known him to be......married his 2nd wife a few years ago (in his early 50's). Bottom line.....you'll probably have a better shot at long term happiness today than you did yesterday.

Last thought on the subject - get out of your head. You're probably sabotaging yourself a lot more than helping!

Bigtime · 10-08-2011, 07:05 AM

Must. Not. Post. "Forever Alone" meme.

Seriously though, you are worrying too much about it all happening for you. Just relax and enjoy life and make the most of it, and then <BAM> that's when it will happen.

kermitology · 10-08-2011, 07:28 AM

When I met my fiancée neither one of us were looking for someone. We met at a bar, just got to talking and it went from there.

My only goal that night was to be awesome, I had that attitude all night as I was partying with my friends.

It cliche I know... But so very true. Just relax, find yourself and realize just how awesome you can be.

Sliver · 10-08-2011, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kermitology

When I met my fiancée neither one of us were looking for someone. We met at a bar, just got to talking and it went from there.

My only goal that night was to be awesome, I had that attitude all night as I was partying with my friends.

It cliche I know... But so very true. Just relax, find yourself and realize just how awesome you can be.

That's pretty much the coolest goal I've ever heard of.

dissentowner · 10-08-2011, 07:53 AM

I was married once. Eff that!

Bootsy · 10-08-2011, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Obvious

Early 30s here and still single.

Figure I want to get married some day but I've kind of always thought that. Always figured it would be some day down the road. Still feels that way and now I'm north of 30.

I work a lot right now traveling to the US once every couple months hustling to make my business work. A lot of future plans depend on being free to travel and possibly relocate so am apprehensive to get tied down for now.

I also hate the sound of screaming children and loath 90% of the "family" type sightings I come across in public. Have too many friends trapped in unfufilling marriages and it scares me.

Probably just the typical not wanting to grow up / scared of commitment thing but I'm in no rush to go down a road that doesn't feel right.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

Was going to reply but this pretty much sums up my thoughts as well. I value my freedom but if the right girl came along , I'm sure I'd take the plunge. For now I'm just enjoying life and whatever happens, happens. I agree with the trapped marriages and add messy divorces to that as well.

Regulator75 · 10-08-2011, 09:09 AM

Mid thirties? Single? Thin? Neat?

Gay.
(Not that there is anything wrong with that)

saskflames69 · 10-08-2011, 09:15 AM

I thought this was an invitation to marry you.

schteve_d · 10-08-2011, 09:41 AM

You know what I'm doing tonight?

Whatever the eff I want!

Being single's not so bad. Woman are like sailboats and tuxedos. They're great but you just don't get enough use out them to own one.

I'm somewhat kidding. Sometimes I do miss being in a stable relationship and while I wouldn't say I'm actively seeking one, I'm not actively not seeking one either.

JimmytheT · 10-08-2011, 09:44 AM

Will be 29 in a few months, been married for 5 years, and currently have a 14 month old son. marriage is work and so is raising children, but I would never trade where I am at now for being single. My wife and I are excited about trying for another child in a couple months.

I can say that I never wanted to be in a position where I did not have child after the age of 30, let alone 40. I look forward to being in my forties when my son turns 20.

That being said, you cannot force a good marriage and strong family.

I much prefer good family life to single life and certainly do sympathize with you.