should kids be rewarded/praised just for participating?

[Sliver]

So IliketoPuck made a comment in another thread that I thought was pretty interesting.

Originally Posted by IliketoPuck

The world is way too sensitive about little things that really don't affect you [like] rewarding kids for "participation." All that it teaches them is to be entitled and that if they tried their "best" it is good enough. Sorry. If you aren't first, you're last. But that discussion is not for this thread.

I would have agreed wholeheartedly with this before having kids, but now with a four and five year-old, I disagree with the practicality of the sentiment.

Seriously, you have to help build your kids' self esteem and self confidence. If we only praise them for the things they're good at, they'll never try or gain some proficiency at things out of their comfort zone. I praise my kids for participating in things all the time.

Take soccer for example...my daughter got a trophy just for participating in 5 year-old soccer this spring. She's really proud of it and I'm proud of her for getting out there every game, rain or shine, even when she didn't want to. It helps make her a better person, and the trophy is a token she can use to remember there can be rewards for hard work.

In her case, she wasn't the star of the team by any stretch. She's a great swimmer, but not a top notch soccer player. I still think it's good for her to do both, and I definitely don't want her to think of herself as a loser at soccer. Her trying her best at soccer really is good enough for me and should be for her as well.

IDK, I just don't buy this whole we're-turning-our-kids-into-pansies-by-rewarding-mediocrity nonsense.

All that said, I need to see effort out of my kids or there is no praise. If they're trying their hardest, though, what more can you expect out of them and why would you withhold praise?

[Travis Munroe]

I think that this thread is going to be people who have kids with one answer vs those without kids.
Ill use 7 as the magic age however really do not know as I do not have any kids. Someone with kids can chime in as to when they really knew the difference between trying and just going through the motions. I would praise my child over everything before this magic age. Once he passes my so called magic age I would want him to understand that I know the difference between hard work and a effort vs barely getting through it if at all.

[Hockeyguy15]

I have no problem with participation awards when kids are young/lower skill levels. At a certain point though you have to stop babying them and start rewarding the kids that are winning. At a young age kids are fragile and if they see their friends who are better than them winning trophys and medals and the worse kid gets nothing it can discourage them from continuing the sport. Where is the line in relation to giving even the worse kids awards vs rewarding the better players or teams? I have no kids so I don't know when that age is.

What I have a problem with is the whole not keeping score, don't kid yourself the kids know which team is winning and which team is losing.

[Coach]

I would say the age is around 10. I base that on when I was younger and started to hate getting those trophies I was around that age.

[Rathji]

Its not like kids don't understand the concept of winning. My daughter started competing with her younger brother at age 3. Adding a participation reward gives it an extra level of encouragement, but you can't remove the competitive aspect of it totally.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by Hockeyguy15

I have no problem with participation awards when kids are young/lower skill levels. At a certain point though you have to stop babying them and start rewarding the kids that are winning. At a young age kids are fragile and if they see their friends who are better than them winning trophys and medals and the worse kid gets nothing it can discourage them from continuing the sport. Where is the line in relation to giving even the worse kids awards vs rewarding the better players or teams? I have no kids so I don't know when that age is.

What I have a problem with is the whole not keeping score, don't kid yourself the kids know which team is winning and which team is losing.

Isn't that pretty much how it works now though? I don't think there are leagues out there for 10 year olds where everyone is told they won, or am I being naive?

There's nothing wrong with young kids getting 'participation trophies', they're out their for fun and social and physical development. There's certainly a grey area where that goal shifts towards competition and I think much of the issue arises around people placing that shift at different points. There's also an over abundance of parents who seem to think that intense competition is crucial for the development of their 6 year old.

[octothorp]

The whole "if you're not first you're last" mentality is the reason why a country like the US produces many of the world's greatest elite athletes, but has one of the most obese overall populations in the world: it divides the population into winners and losers, and losers realize at a pretty young age that they might as well just stay home and cheer on the winners on TV.

[Locke]

Yes and No.

It depends on their ages and the level to which they're trying to play at.

[squiggs96]

If it is the CFL, then yes. If you miss a field goal, you can still have a point.

[bc-chris]

well, my wife and i don't have any kidlets yet - but here's my 2 cents...

as others have mentioned, i think participation awards when kids are younger is great. i remember when i was a little guy getting some sports awards at school becuz i participated on some teams - which was great - it recognized my involvement in the sports, gives a 'warm fuzzy feeling' and encourages future participation.

at what age do you stop doing that? i don't have a clue.

i think it's pretty clear (even at a young age) that these awards are for participating - not achievement

[photon]

Also depends on the kid.

With my kid the problem isn't the desire to win, it's that if he can't win then he doesn't want to participate at all. ETA: So he quits and can never get better at something.

So you have to teach them that there's intrinsic value in participating as well as the extra value of winning.

[IliketoPuck]

Let me preface my comment by saying that I am not against participation awards for younger kids, as I agree it is very beneficial for them to be supported and praised at a young age.

Where I start to take issue is when mediocrity is accepted, or for example when parents are told their children should be held back a grade, yet the parents force their kids into the next grade, where the cycle of mediocre achievement will continue because they didn't learn the acceptable skill set to allow them to succeed, but were told "you tried, you failed, no worries, no consequences."

The real world doesn't work like that.

[Cowperson]

At the century-old Priddis & Millarville Fair, where multiple generations of children grew up competing for precious Fair ribbons, one older family matriach recently told me: "It was the place where we learned to lose gracefully."

Not all the valuable lessons in life come from winning.



Cowperson

[Ashartus]

I think rewarding participation/effort and rewarding winning don't have to be mutually exclusive. Trying your best should be encouraged at any age, and I don't see a problem with rewarding participation, particularly if you are rewarding exceptional effort (the kid that gives absolutely everything he/she has and still falls short). But the winner should still also be acknowledged, particularly as the kids get older.

[opendoor]

I don't see why it can't be both ways. You can still keep score and reward excellence while supporting everyone and encouraging participation. At younger ages it should be more focused on just everyone having fun and trying their best and then as kids get older you can have more of a competition. But even at the older ages there are ways to include kids of varying skill levels and encourage those who aren't as good as others to keep at it.

I think there's a decent middle ground between parents that take their kids' sports way too seriously and having a league where they don't even keep score.

[CaptainCrunch]

I don't think kids are stupid. When we were growing up we had mandatory fitness tests where you could win gold, silver bronze and participant ribbins. We all know that participant was a light back hand to the face.

I think the thing that drives me bonkers is that they do seem to drive the concept of yeee haw for participation past the age that kids should actually be trying to compete and trying to win.

Its just like the movement to not keep score.

I learned more from getting my a%% handed to me then winning all the time. If you don't get those valuable lessons, i think you lose any and all reason to strive and push. You can't except the whole "Oh well, I was there and I tried", trying is great, but part of winning and losing is improvement.

Part of winning and losing is learning how to be gracious in victory and defeat.

[habernac]

Originally Posted by photon

Also depends on the kid.

With my kid the problem isn't the desire to win, it's that if he can't win then he doesn't want to participate at all. ETA: So he quits and can never get better at something.

So you have to teach them that there's intrinsic value in participating as well as the extra value of winning.

I like this. My son is 5 and this describes him to a T. Still working on the best way to change this. Encouragement is definitely a part of it.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by photon

Also depends on the kid.

With my kid the problem isn't the desire to win, it's that if he can't win then he doesn't want to participate at all. ETA: So he quits and can never get better at something.

So you have to teach them that there's intrinsic value in participating as well as the extra value of winning.

Let me address this like my dad would.

"Well son . . . lots of paintin to be done, why don't you try to win at that"

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Cowperson

At the century-old Priddis & Millarville Fair, where multiple generations of children grew up competing for precious Fair ribbons, one older family matriach recently told me: "It was the place where we learned to lose gracefully."

Not all the valuable lessons in life come from winning.



Cowperson

Why is she carrying a bag of medical waste?

I dont consider that a 'prize' per se.

And that kid seems pretty upset, so much so hes tearing up his competition score card.

[Byrns]

I'm more impressed the kid can stand on those gimpy legs.