Calling all crotchety married people.

[Table 5]

So I did something foolish and got myself married over the weekend.

Now that all the merry money wasting is over, we have a few realities to take care of. One of the more important ones of course is how to divy up financial responsibility, banking accounts, and general money handling matters. I'm looking to prevent any future mental anguish.

How do you married folks handle your finances? Does everything go and come from one joint account? Or do you still keep your individual ones? What spending amount is realistic to consult the other about?

I was thinking it would make sense for us to have one big joint account that all income goes into and bills come out of, but to also make small contributions monthly to individual accounts for each spouse to do with as they please (ie, pretty much like an RRSP, but for fun). I don't buy a lot of things in general, but I have gotten used to having the ability to buy random toys (ie, cameras, watches) every once in a while that I'd like to continue doing if possible!

Also, the assets I'm bringing into the marriage are definitely more than hers (not a huge amount by any means, but relatively speaking). How would you recommend handling these assets going in? It's money that I worked long and hard for, but I also don't want her to feel like she can't touch it.

I want any solution to be as simple as possible, fair as possible, and most of all, prevent any future argument.

[CM ONE]

Just give her all the money now.

[red sky]

My wife and I have a joint account that has both of our paychecks going in and all of our bills coming out. Each paycheck we take an "allowance" that we can do as we please. We each hold separate checking accounts that we transfer this allowance into. This has really worked well for us I feel. Any clothes purchases is spent from the individual accounts but hygiene stuff is from the joint account.

As for your assets, I would say to alleviate any tension, just put them in an account joint in both of your names.

[Locke]

Keep all your money locked in an iron box and keep the key tied around your junk so she knows where to get it when she wants it.

Win/win.

[troutman]

Refer to the Matrimonial Property Act. Assets you owned prior to marriage are exempt from division, provided you keep those assets seperate. You might have to share the increase of value of those assets. When you mingle those assets, you may lose part or all of the exemption.

A pre-nup or marriage contract is good way to protect these assets further.

http://www.canlii.org/en/ab/laws/sta...000-c-m-8.html

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by Locke

Keep all your money locked in an iron box and keep the key tied around your junk so she knows where to get it when she wants it.

Win/win.

Seems like the weight of said iron box would increase the length of my junk over time as well, so there's a third win in there.

[Ducay]

Joint accounts for daily chequing and general savings. Rest gests split up evenly(ish) to our own TFSAs and RRSPs (different names for you Yanks).

I generally "control" the finances and bill-paying since I enjoy that sort of thing and she doesn't (even though thats both of our careers).

As for consulting on purchases.....We've never really done it since neither of us is going to make any sort of stupid giant purchase that is outside of our goals/needs. It just happens naturally by not buying stupid things that aren't needed.

Originally Posted by red sky

My wife and I have a joint account that has both of our paychecks going in and all of our bills coming out. Each paycheck we take an "allowance" that we can do as we please. We each hold separate checking accounts that we transfer this allowance into. This has really worked well for us I feel. Any clothes purchases is spent from the individual accounts but hygiene stuff is from the joint account.

I had no idea people did this sort of thing, sounds like a recipe for disaster with spouses trying to sock away as much money for themselves as they can. I can also see arguments brewing over epxenses and who should have paid what, etc.

[Ashartus]

We went with joint accounts, but that doesn't work for everyone. My feeling was that she was going to be taking maternity leaves where she wouldn't make any money so it didn't make sense to keep everything separate. We're also both fairly responsible with money and don't make any big purchases without consulting the other (no hard rule on dollar amount in place, but generally buying something like a book or CD or lunch is ok, while buying a new big-screen TV would be a joint decision). We each have our own credit card though.

Some people I know use a joint account, and each individual gets a monthly "allowance" for personal expenditures - this might be a good approach for making sure neither of you is spending excessively.

Whatever approach you decide on, make sure it's something where money never becomes a source of conflict.

[ah123]

We initially had separate accounts but that become too cumbersome, so we merged everything and that has worked really well. When it comes to spending money, we'll bounce off things off each other for larger purchases; for example, if I want to buy a new lens or electronics, we will discuss and make sure we can justify spending that money at that time.

There was a thread not so long ago on this topic, you might want to do a quick search.

[Reaper]

Whatever you decide just keep in mind that you will be wrong. Get used to it. I can't remember the last time I was right.

[The Goon]

Keep a separate bank account for your own incidentals or be prepared to have every purchase you make questioned.

[VladtheImpaler]

Aren't you a lawyer? Proceed accordingly.
What is the nature of your "assets"? Cash, RE, 401K (or whatever you Yanks call it)?

In the end everyone has their own preferences, so it's hard to tell you what to do. For instance, my father-in-law and his wife have separate accounts and pay for everything individually. I am not sure as to their exact arrangements (who exactly owns the house, and pays for it; whether they have agreed to pay for it jointly, etc).
Other people would find that bizarre and would want to share everything.

There is no right way. The only advice I can offer is to sit down with your spouse and discuss it - figure out what you both are comfortable with. Ideally, you would have sorted all this out before getting married.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by Ducay

It just happens naturally by not buying stupid things that aren't needed.

We're pretty thrifty most of the time, but sometimes our definition of big and stupid aren't the same. I considered spending 2k on wedding flowers stupid, and she probably considered spending the same on a camera lens equally so. But both were done under the guise of necessity!

[OilKiller]

Joint bank account. All bills come out of the account. We share all the money. We make big purchases together.

There will always be fights about money. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

[Ducay]

Originally Posted by Table 5

We're pretty thrifty most of the time, but sometimes our definition of big and stupid aren't the same. I considered spending 2k on wedding flowers stupid, and she probably considered spending the same on a camera lens equally so. But both were done under the guise of necessity!

It will come naturally. If I deem a new TV "needed" for the house, then I'll buy it (but usually I'll talk to her beforehand). You'll soon learn whats allowed/not allowed once you get yelled at a couple of times.


I cringe when I'm out with friends that are dating and they have to deal with splitting bills etc. I couldn't imagine being married and having separate accounts at all.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

Aren't you a lawyer?

Ouch, that one stings....

What is the nature of your "assets"? Cash, RE, 401K (or whatever you Yanks call it)?

All of the above. I guess the only issue is that since we've been living together for 2 years, some of it was acquired while we were together and with the idea that I'd use it for us in the future for....but all still 100% paid for by myself.

Ideally, you would have sorted all this out before getting married.

Too busy perfecting the world's most awesome set list for the DJ.

[bc-chris]

my wife and i have 3 accounts...

1 - my business account - just to keep that stuff separate

2 - joint account - self explanatory

3 - a mortgage account - again, self explanatory


as far as "spending money" - when we fist got married, my wife and i did up a budget of all our bills/expenses to see how much surplus there was at the end of the month. then we figured out how much additional $$ we wanted to save/put against our mortgage every year. what was left over was what we could spend on ourselves.

the good thing with both of us is that we're both 'savers'... hate being in debt, so there weren't any huge concerns of one of us going and blowing a crap load of money.

we've been married for 10 years now and we don't really do this at all anymore - but we will chat about stuff we want to get. i find that my wife likes getting lots of smaller not so expensive things, while i prefer to get a lot less stuff, but it's just stupid expensive - like camera lenses and truck parts!

[Bigtime]

Here is the setup we have:

-Joint chequing (all pay enters here and goes out to bill payments, TFSA's, RRSP's)
-Joint Savings (the rainy day fund)
-2x Personal accounts (the fun money, usually not much floating in these)
-Joint Visa Card

[HalifaxDrunk]

Originally Posted by Ducay

I had no idea people did this sort of thing, sounds like a recipe for disaster with spouses trying to sock away as much money for themselves as they can. I can also see arguments brewing over epxenses and who should have paid what, etc.

We kinda do something similar to this, just set aside some "do whatever you want" money for each of us from each paycheque. I don't see how this would cause disaster, if my wife wants to save up for something from this play money what is the harm to me? If she skips going to lunch with friends or buying new shoes so she can save money for something else it doesn't effect my casual spending (IE - beer money). It doesn't come into play for things we do together, movies, dinner etc.

It's worked for almost 12 years of marriage for us.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by Ducay

I cringe when I'm out with friends that are dating and they have to deal with splitting bills etc. I couldn't imagine being married and having separate accounts at all.

Separate accounts do seem like a giant pain in the long run, I like the idea of streamlining. Having business accounts/cards is a pain as it is, I don't need more on the pile.