03-03-2011, 12:09 PM
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#1
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: H-Town, Texas
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Need Some Jokes About Americans From Canadian Perspective
I am giving a speech at a function soon and everyone knows me as 'The Canadian'- they want me to talk about the relationship between Canadians and Americans and I can find thousands of jokes about Canada, but hardly any about Americans from a 'Canadian' point of view. Anyone know jokes/colloquialisms that would be good (somewhat clean) for a speech? It will be for a charitable benefit and the audience will be all adults, many retired athletes who have a great sense of humour. Anything would be appreciated as it's the only thing I am missing. Thanks! You can PM the jokes if you want. 
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03-03-2011, 12:12 PM
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#2
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Victoria, BC
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You dont need to tell jokes. Just give facts.
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03-03-2011, 12:15 PM
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#3
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Section 203
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Discuss the state of the USD, health care system, housing crisis, falling real estate values, unemployment rates etc. and you'll be fine. Just go look at what Americans were saying about Canadians 8 years ago and reverse the two countries.
Also, bring up the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Those are always comical topics.
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03-03-2011, 12:15 PM
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#4
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Powerplay Quarterback
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I think discussing obesity rates would be a good ice-breaker.
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03-03-2011, 12:17 PM
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#5
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Vernon, BC
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Talk about how proud we are of Celine Dion and Justin Bieber
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03-03-2011, 12:18 PM
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#6
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: H-Town, Texas
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I need something light hearted and humorous- teasing Americans for things, like they tease me about moose meat, saying 'eh', hockey, beer, being too cold, etc.
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03-03-2011, 12:18 PM
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#7
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#1 Goaltender
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: An all-inclusive.
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By a show of hands, how many of you have crippling medical bills?
If you're Canadian, you don't understand this question.
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03-03-2011, 12:19 PM
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#8
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: H-Town, Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delthefunky
Talk about how proud we are of Celine Dion and Justin Bieber
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03-03-2011, 12:20 PM
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#9
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: H-Town, Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squiggs96
Discuss the state of the USD, health care system, housing crisis, falling real estate values, unemployment rates etc. and you'll be fine. Just go look at what Americans were saying about Canadians 8 years ago and reverse the two countries.
Also, bring up the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Those are always comical topics.
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03-03-2011, 12:23 PM
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#11
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: the dark side of Sesame Street
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delthefunky
Talk about how proud we are of Celine Dion and Justin Bieber
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Now, now - the Canadian government has apologized for Celine Dion and Justin Bieber on several occasions!
__________________
"If Javex is your muse…then dive in buddy"
- Surferguy
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03-03-2011, 12:23 PM
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#12
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#1 Goaltender
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: An all-inclusive.
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Canada has the best beavers in the world.
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03-03-2011, 12:30 PM
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#13
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Franchise Player
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Why did the American cross the road?
To invade the other side!
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03-03-2011, 12:36 PM
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#14
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: the dark side of Sesame Street
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How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
...ask them politely.
__________________
"If Javex is your muse…then dive in buddy"
- Surferguy
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03-03-2011, 12:41 PM
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#15
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Lifetime Suspension
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Explain to them how other countries participate in the Olympics, since they do not broadcast any other athletes that arent American.
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03-03-2011, 12:41 PM
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#16
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Lifetime Suspension
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There beer is like water to us!
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03-03-2011, 12:42 PM
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#17
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In my office, at the Ministry of Awesome!
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How about, when anyone else has a world championship, they actually invite other countires?
__________________
THE SHANTZ WILL RISE AGAIN.
 <-----Check the Badge bitches. You want some Awesome, you come to me!
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03-03-2011, 12:42 PM
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#18
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: 127.0.0.1
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The Americans are losing the longest game of Hide and go seek ever, with Osama bin Laden.
__________________
Pass the bacon.
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03-03-2011, 12:53 PM
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#19
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Backup Goalie
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Cochrane
Exp: 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North East Goon
There beer is like water to us!
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American beer is like having sex at the bottom of a canoe...it's f#$*ing close to water.
__________________
People who read other people's signatures are lame!
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03-03-2011, 12:55 PM
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#20
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Lifetime Suspension
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: DeWinton, AB
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