I don't have a pet parrot. It's just not something that has been very appealing to me at all. When it comes right down to it, I guess i'm not really that into looking at a colorful bird in a wire cage all day, listening to it 'talk' about mostly stupid things. Or, for that matter, having to clean up it's poop on a daily basis.
There are certainly benefits to owning one, for sure. Once and a while Mrs. Hothotheat will be talking to me, and I really don't feel like listening. If I had a parrot caged up in the corner, the Mrs. could just talk to it about our nieces and nephews, and in this day and age I’m well aware that it is not acceptable to walk around in public with a parrot on my shoulder.
Given how popular they are and how many people are using them to show off to their friends, I was wondering how many other CP'ers have a parrot, and what your reasons are?
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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $20,000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
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Lloyd: *cough* Petey
Harry: You sold a dead parakeet to a blind kid?!!
Lloyd: Harry! I took care of it.
Blind Kid: Pretty bird...Pretty bird. Polly want a cracker?
It's obvious that you don't own a pet parrot because you want to be part of the "too cool" camp that doesn't conform to the new parrot owning society. Don't let the ignorant SPCA scare you into thinking that you will just get sick of this bird and release it into the wild.
But I totally understand your fear that you will lose complete control of all your personal data once you own a parrot. How can you be assured the parrot won't one day start sharing all of personal converstations. Who can trust the most popular talking bird anyway?
Back in high school I worked at a pet store in South Center mall. We had a bunch of parrots there that were for sale but we all knew that because of the price tag and lifelong commitment they were unlikely to be sold and as a result the parrots became more of a marketing tool for the store and essentially the in-store pets for the staff.
I got very attached to a Blue & Gold Macaw named Dolly and she became very attached to me. For those that haven't been around the larger parrots much here's a brief synopsis: they are very smart, have a tonne of personality and are very mischievous. Owning a large parrot (Macaw, Cockatoo, African Grey, Amazon, etc.) is basically like looking after a 2 year old child for 60-90 years. They are a tonne of work and if left unsupervised will reak havoc in your home. They will chew your walls, destroy your furniture, crap everywhere and anywhere and (for the Macaws in particular) make a noise that could shatter your ear drum.
We would often let Dolly out of her cage (at the back of the store) to climb around the outside and stretch her legs. However, if I was at the cash register (at the front of the store) and Dolly was out she would start walking up the aisle to the front of the store to see me. If you've never seen a parrot walk on the floor before it's pretty comical. Especially, when you watch her coming for about 3 minutes. She never wanted to be alone. Dolly liked most men and didn't care much for women. Parrots tend to have a gender preference. But, and I say this with humility, she liked me best. It got to the point that I couldn't let her out because she would walk through the customers legs to get to where I was and it freaked some people out. One time she flew to the front of the store and landied in a big open hamster enclosure we had. Luckily she didn't do anything to the hamsters when she got there.
Dolly was extremely jealous as parrots sometimes get. At one point we got another Macaw (a Scarlett) and he shared the cage with Dolly. She was not happy about another bird stealing some of her attention. I would often walk around the store with Dolly on my shoulder. When we got the Scarlett Macaw Dolly was essentially sulking for the entire day. I was walking around with Dolly trying to make her feel better and she grabbed the corner of my mouth with her beak and yanked. It was basically her way of having a temper tantrum. She didn't hurt me but she could have easily ripped my face open. That was the only time she even came close to hurting me but I have seen parrot owners with huge scars from where their birds went after them.
I love parrots in general but I really loved Dolly. At one point I was trying to figure out a way to keep her but at the time I lived with my parents, then I was going to University, then I got married and then I had kids. I have no idea where she is today. I haven't thought about Dolly for quite a while. To be honest it's making me a touch misty.
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Last edited by Red Slinger; 11-26-2010 at 02:00 PM.
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I got very attached to a Blue & Gold Macaw named Dolly and she became very attached to me....
She never wanted to be alone. Dolly liked most men and didn't care much for women. Parrots tend to have a gender preference. But, and I say this with humility, she liked me best.
I Don't Have a Pet Parrot
