Has anyone ever donated or received organs?

[nickerjones]

This is pretty personal post but I have no support group and have no where to hear other stories or advice from people so I am posting here to see if anyone else has been in this situation.

I married my first wife in October when I was 22. The following February we were in a car accident in which she lost her life. She was young and all her organs were in good shape so we donated her organs. I know I received letters from the receipents but at the time it was way too soon and I was still grieving at the time. So whether I was mad at them , or to upset , or whatever I put the letters away and never thought twice about it.

fast forward to today: more than 6 yrs later
I am trying to find a charity to help out and so I was looking at organ donation charities since I have a personal connection. I came across a blog and it is apparently the lady who received my 1st wife's heart. She was also one of the people who wrote me. As I am reading through the blog I notice where she mentions writing her donor's husband but he never responded and never told the rest of her family. ( who lives a ways out of town from me and with whom I havent spoke with much since the accident). I felt a wave of horrible guilt come over me and have had a pretty bad morning.

My question is is there anyone who has dealt with something like this. Should I feel bad? Is it too late write back now ? I know this is very personal to some people and if it's to personal to post about feel free to PM me. Like I said I have no other support group or place to ask questions.

[VladtheImpaler]

I would write her back and just tell her what you posted here. I'm sure she would understand and support you.

[Ducay]

Im with Vlad, just explain it to her in the way you did here. She wouldn't hold it against you, if anything she'll be thrilled to finally hear from you.

Also my condolences, must have been a tough time.

[Dion]

It's never too late to write back. People can appreciate that sometimes the grief of losing a loved one can sometimes make us forget. I know she will appreciate hearing back from you.

[FanIn80]

Yeah I don't see the issue in writing her now. I'm more than positive that she'll understand your reasons.

[CaptainCrunch]

The recipiant will certainly understand that at the time you received the letter you were still greiving, and a little angry and you couldn't deal with it in the standard way.

The wonderful thing for you now is there is still an opportunity for closure, and writing her and realizing that what happened to your wife, while incredibly tragic saved other peoples lives.

These are the things that make for quiet hero's and your wife is certainly one of them for being willing to give the gift of life, and I'm sure that your letter to this lady would be greeted with a lot of warmth and sympathy over what you lost, and what she gained.

[nickerjones]

Thanks guys! I have decided to write every one of them a letter. I sent an email to Lifeshare which is the organ donation people here in Oklahoma. I asked if I could get all the info they had sent me in the past since I felt that it could be time to write back. Hopefully they get back to me! While I feel guilty about not writing the people back . I thinks it incredible how something so good can come from something so bad.

[mykalberta]

Guilt?

She has your deceased wife's heart.

I would ignore it. You dont have anything to apologize for. If the woman who received the heart cant see why you possibly wouldnt have responded than too bad.

The only thing I would do is send the letters you did receive to the family (of your ex) since they are obviously still having a hard time getting closure. Just include a letter with the truth as to why you didnt send them sooner, if they dont believe it or are still upset with you than its their loss. There is only so much you can do in life, if you do it and people still dont respond then its time to cut your losses because chances are they will never come around.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by nickerjones

Thanks guys! I have decided to write every one of them a letter. I sent an email to Lifeshare which is the organ donation people here in Oklahoma. I asked if I could get all the info they had sent me in the past since I felt that it could be time to write back. Hopefully they get back to me! While I feel guilty about not writing the people back . I thinks it incredible how something so good can come from something so bad.

A very wise man once said to me, while time heals all wounds, good deeds heals all pain.

These people know that you lost someone in order for them to live, I've sure that these organ recipiants think about that every time thier heart beats, I'm sure that they would really like to thank you and let you know what kind of an impact your wife had on their lives.

[Flashpoint]

You don't need to feel guilty. You and your wife basically gave them life. You had just lost your spouse, and there isn't a person on earth who would fault you for not replying while you were grieving.

And it's never too late to reply. Especially in a case like this, where every day since then has been a gift from you and your wife. It's very thoughtful of you to pick it up at this point.

Good for you man. Good for you.

[Bill Bumface]

The coolest funeral I've ever been to had the organ donor letters read out. It was the young girl that died slipping on ice walking home from Holt Renfrew.

It turned something that felt like a tragic waste of a young life into something that saved someone else's life (who had a young family) and improved the quality of life for others (she gave vision back to two people).

I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty, I can't imagine how much time it must take to feel normal after that, I'm sure they'd love to hear from you.