Money and Friends

[Grunt]

Sometimes I like to treat my friends when we go out for beers, or for lunch, or whatever. When I throw parties I always have a boatload of alcohol onhand that everyone is welcome to enjoy. I like to think that small tokens like this pretty much always even themselves out. I do try to remain cognisant of the times when my friends have paid for me so that I can get them back, but it's obviously not a hard tally that's maintained since, as I said, I think it all evens out in the end.

I recently went on a road trip with a friend of mine out to Salmo, BC and we agreed to split the gas. I paid for all the gas on my credit card for easy tallying at the end. Fast forward to today... it's been over a month since our trip and I've been lazy about asking my friend for the money, but today I remembered. I originally thought he owed me $100, but it turns out that he only owes me $80.

His response (over messenger): "whew... so.... can I knock off $15 from that for flat of beer I bought?"

In my mind, it's completely ridiculous and inappropriate for him to suggest this. To me this is being really cheap, nitpicky, and kind of insulting. On our trip, and throughout our friendship, I've certainly paid for beer or other things for him and never dreamed of asking him for repayment. His comment made me feel like going through my credit card statement and pointing out small purchases that we could also split, since we're getting down to the nitty gritty.

Instead though, I just said "lol... I guess so..." to avoid petty arguments about ridiculous things like $15, and since I'm a nice guy / sucker.

My question to you Calgarypuck is: Is his request for the $15 completely normal and standard, or out of line?

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by Grunt

Sometimes I like to treat my friends when we go out for beers, or for lunch, or whatever. When I throw parties I always have a boatload of alcohol onhand that everyone is welcome to enjoy. I like to think that small tokens like this pretty much always even themselves out. I do try to remain cognisant of the times when my friends have paid for me so that I can get them back, but it's obviously not a hard tally that's maintained since, as I said, I think it all evens out in the end.

I recently went on a road trip with a friend of mine out to Vancouver and we agreed to split the gas. I paid for all the gas on my credit card for easy tallying at the end. Fast forward to today... it's been over a month since our trip and I've been lazy about asking my friend for the money, but today I remembered. I originally thought he owed me $100, but it turns out that he only owes me $80.

His response (over messenger): "whew... so.... can I knock off $15 from that for flat of beer I bought?"

In my mind, it's completely ridiculous and inappropriate for him to suggest this. To me this is being really cheap, nitpicky, and kind of insulting. On our trip, and throughout our friendship, I've certainly paid for beer or other things for him and never dreamed of asking him for repayment. His comment made me feel like going through my credit card statement and pointing out small purchases that we could also split, since we're getting down to the nitty gritty.

Instead though, I just said "lol... I guess so..." to avoid petty arguments about ridiculous things like $15, and since I'm a nice guy / sucker.

My question to you Calgarypuck is: Is his request for the $15 completely normal and standard, or out of line?

Unfortunately everyone has the ###### friend whos tighter than a knats ass.. I get pretty choked when its petty crap like $15. Or they phone and the first thing outta their mouth, do you have that 10 bucks? Personally I think its sad and pathetic.

[Jayems]

It's just $15. It'll come back around some day. If you make a big deal out of it, everything will be for the rest of time with you two.

[Gozer]

Originally Posted by Grunt

Instead though, I just said "lol... I guess so..." to avoid petty arguments about ridiculous things like $15, and since I'm a nice guy / sucker.

My question to you Calgarypuck is: Is his request for the $15 completely normal and standard, or out of line?

It's pretty chinsy, but you're right - you can't really get into an argument about it without looking like a bigger goof.

Just suck it up and make a mental note of it for next time you're putting yourself on the hook.

[Ice]

Out of line. He agreed to split the gas. He owed you money and should've been asking you how much he owed you instead of waiting for you to bring it up anyway. Then, when you do ask him about he, he nitpicks about 15 bucks worth of beer? Lame. I'm also a pushover and would handled it like you though.

Whenever I split the cost of anything with anyone, I take the responsibility to make sure I pay up. I don't like owing people money and I don't think they should be required to ask me for it. Sometimes its awkard for them if they have to ask you for it. I especially hate when I book a hotel room to share with a friend and I use my credit card, and they don't even attempt to pay their share at check in. I actually had someone tell me after leaving Vegas, "I'll just pay you when you get your credit card statement." Who waits for a statement to pay their credit card? You just go online and pay it. Sheesh!

[BBQorMILDEW]

Sometimes people are just not on the same level when it comes to money.. He could be on hard times right now and maybe that 15 dollars is all he has to live on right now..

[BlackEleven]

Originally Posted by Grunt

Instead though, I just said "lol... I guess so..." to avoid petty arguments about ridiculous things like $15, and since I'm a nice guy / sucker.

You said "lol" to him? LOL

But I know exactly what you mean. I have the same attitude that it will all even itself out in the end. But all it takes is one jackass to ruin that philosophy for everyone.

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Sometimes people are just not on the same level when it comes to money.. He could be on hard times right now and maybe that 15 dollars is all he has to live on right now..

He just finished school, and while he does have an OK paying job, he's only been at it a few months. He is also living with his parents rent-free right now though, so I'm not really feeling too sorry for him financially.

You make a good point though... but then I'd counter, why is someone going on a road trip if $15 is a big deal to them? Perhaps better to skip the trip and save money rather than nickel and dimeing their friends, no?

[Incinerator]

I used to have similar experiences as yours. Nowadays if I'm whipping out the VISA I expect to bear the full cost, but I also stress that I'm covering the entire tab with no expectations from the other parties to chip in--this way, the next time a similar situation come around they will offer to do the same. Me & my friends do this on $100+ bar tabs all the time, we just take turns.

Of course I only do this with very good friends that they would actually feel obligated to return the favor the next time around. I don't know if this would work in your situation.

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by BlackEleven

You said "lol" to him? LOL

Haha, it was on messenger :P

[StoneCole]

I currently owe $85 to bring_back_shantz. We're not friends though.

[ken0042]

I say his asking for the $15 is fine.

You say you often buy beers for people. He might be thinking of times when he has given you rides somewhere. It doesn't matter that you may think you are on the giving end most of the time, the bottom line is you guys are splitting up the costs of the road trip. The road trip cost $190. You put in $160, he put in $30. So $130 divided by 2 is $65.

The two things everybody here has in common; we all have above average driving abilities; and we all do more favours for our friends than we get returned.

[BlackEleven]

Originally Posted by Grunt

Haha, it was on messenger :P

Ahh... I think I am going to have to work "lol" into normal everyday speech instead of actually laughing.

[BBQorMILDEW]

Originally Posted by Grunt

He just finished school, and while he does have an OK paying job, he's only been at it a few months. He is also living with his parents rent-free right now though, so I'm not really feeling too sorry for him financially.

You make a good point though... but then I'd counter, why is someone going on a road trip if $15 is a big deal to them? Perhaps better to skip the trip and save money rather than nickel and dimeing their friends, no?

When i was a student my friends would beg me pretty much every weekend to go up to Edmonton to party at Uof A.. Of course with my heavy workload and the fact i had to pay for my own school i was pretty broke most of the time..

The times i did go i had barely any money, but my friends were warned prior of this. If they had a problem with me not being able to buy beer or gas then i wouldn't go.. Simple as that....

but my real friends who wanted me to go just for the experience of a road trip with them, didn't mind footing the bill just as long as I could be the wingman at parties.. (I was always the best at that)

Sometimes your true friends look the other way when it comes to money.. Other times you lose friends quickly because of it..

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by ken0042

I say his asking for the $15 is fine.

You say you often buy beers for people. He might be thinking of times when he has given you rides somewhere. It doesn't matter that you may think you are on the giving end most of the time, the bottom line is you guys are splitting up the costs of the road trip. The road trip cost $190. You put in $160, he put in $30. So $130 divided by 2 is $65.

The two things everybody here has in common; we all have above average driving abilities; and we all do more favours for our friends than we get returned.

IMO this misses the point. The point isn't for everything to be even steven - if it was then there are many other costs involved in the trip that could be brought up. Also we agreed to split the costs of the gas, not the trip. If that were the case I'd be fine with this... it's the fact that he even cares enough about $15 for some beer to bring it up.

This type of things irks me in the same way as when people start tallying their portions of a bill at a restaurant when all 4 people basically had dishes and drinks that cost roughly the same price. Who cares if Johnny's dish cost an extra $5, just divide the check by 4 and be done with it (in instances where one person doesn't decide to just grab the check that is).

[RougeUnderoos]

I don't know, sounds alright to me.

I once offered to check on my buddy's dog while he was out of town for the night. I was only there a few minutes but I racked up a pretty hefty phone bill for him. He actually phoned me and wanted me to pay for it. I was doing him the favour. Cheapskate.

[Table 5]

Grunt seems like you have a lot of issues with friends these days....maybe its time to take that 15 bucks, buy yourself a case of beer and try to chillax to the max alone for a while.

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

The times i did go i had barely any money, but my friends were warned prior of this. If they had a problem with me not being able to buy beer or gas then i wouldn't go.. Simple as that....

but my real friends who wanted me to go just for the experience of a road trip with them, didn't mind footing the bill just as long as I could be the wingman at parties.. (I was always the best at that)

Sometimes your true friends look the other way when it comes to money.. Other times you lose friends quickly because of it..

Couldn't agree more. Your case is different though I think... you aren't nickel and dimeing your friends, you're telling them that there's no way you can afford to go somewhere and they are offering to foot the bill. That's cool and I do this sometimes too, but it's not the same.

Regardless, it's not like I'm ending a friendship over him being cheap or something... it's just hard for me to imagine pulling the same shenanigans.

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by Table 5

Grunt seems like you have a lot of issues with friends these days....maybe its time to take that 15 bucks, buy yourself a case of beer and try to chillax to the max alone for a while.

Hahaha, maybe you're right :P. Actually, I'm just fascinated by human behaviour these days and decided to make some posts to see how others feel about certain things, or to see if I'm way out of line in my way of thinking. I'm sure I have plenty of characteristics that are infuriating to people I associate with too that probably seem completely normal in my mind.

[ken0042]

Originally Posted by Grunt

IMO this misses the point. The point isn't for everything to be even steven - if it was then there are many other costs involved in the trip that could be brought up. Also we agreed to split the costs of the gas, not the trip. If that were the case I'd be fine with this... it's the fact that he even cares enough about $15 for some beer to bring it up.

Then I guess it's now up to you if you want to go down that road; bringing everything up or not. I'm just showing you his perspective; that he feels you also owe him something.

I have a few friends where we don't worry about cash; as you say things just work themselves out. Then I have friends who have 8 guys helping them move all day, only order 2 large pieces, then when we are saying to each other: "no you go ahead and have that last slice", he thinks he ordered "the right amount" of pizza.

And yes I did pull buddy aside when we were alone to point out the error of his ways. 2 months later he pulled the same stunt at his kid's birthday party.

But for those failings he is still a good friend, and I just need to clarify matters of money with him. I know that, and if keeping a good friend and learning this lesson costs you $15, then I say its worth it.