Wedding Problem (Opinions needed)

[Eastern Girl]

My mom is getting married this weekend. She sent out invitations awhile back to about 150 people, heard back from about 120 people. There are 30 people that didn't respond one way or the other. Mom called, emailed, and told others to remind those people to respond, etc. She went above and beyond to try and get some response from them, but nothing.

She gave the caterers the numbers last week, but she is quite nervous that some of these 30 people are going to show up, as she has heard through the grapevine that some plan on going. She's been working herself up into a frenzy over it.

Now, these dinners aren't cheap, they are $100 bucks/plate. But to accomodate, my mom is thinking about ordering an extra 10 plates just in case more people show up. My brothers have suggested that they should be allowed to politely tell these extras there is no food/room for them (read: tell them to go f*** themselves), but she thinks that is a rude, bad idea.

So, after that rambling, my question to you all is this: What should my mom do in terms of accomodating these people that may or may not show up?

[burn_this_city]

Save the $1000 and tell them theres no food for people who didnt bother replying. Sorry but if you aren't on the guest list pound sand.

[jammies]

I'm with your brother. If they can't be bothered to confirm that they are coming, screw 'em. The rudeness is all on the part of those who don't understand that this isn't casual night at the pub and you can't just drop on by if you feel you've nothing better to do that night.

Do you get to be a bridesmaid? If so, we expect pictures!

[Bill Bumface]

Tell them to go eff themselves is absolutely the correct answer.

[Log]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

My mom is getting married this weekend. She sent out invitations awhile back to about 150 people, heard back from about 120 people. There are 30 people that didn't respond one way or the other. Mom called, emailed, and told others to remind those people to respond, etc. She went above and beyond to try and get some response from them, but nothing.

She gave the caterers the numbers last week, but she is quite nervous that some of these 30 people are going to show up, as she has heard through the grapevine that some plan on going. She's been working herself up into a frenzy over it.

Now, these dinners aren't cheap, they are $100 bucks/plate. But to accomodate, my mom is thinking about ordering an extra 10 plates just in case more people show up. My brothers have suggested that they should be allowed to politely tell these extras there is no food/room for them (read: tell them to go f*** themselves), but she thinks that is a rude, bad idea.

So, after that rambling, my question to you all is this: What should my mom do in terms of accomodating these people that may or may not show up?

I would go with what your brother suggested. If they wanted to come to the wedding, they should have RSVP'd or got back to your Mom when she contacted them.

Its their own fault if they miss the dinner.

[MarchHare]

Agreed with everyone else above.

If you fail to respond to the RSVP and don't even reply after being emailed/called asking to confirm if you'll be in attendance or not, you have absolutely no reason whatsoever to expect that dinner will be served for you.

Furthermore, if there's assigned seating for the dinner, anybody who didn't RSVP shouldn't expect a seat either.

It's not rude at all for the hosts of the wedding to refuse dinner service to guests who couldn't find three minutes to reply to the RSVP.

[Phanuthier]

i'll go with the popular opinion

if they can't be bothered to reply, eff them.

[CaptainCrunch]

Boil up a big pot of mac and cheese without the cheese for people who straggle.

[octothorp]

It depends on if any of these people are people where it would really mean a lot to your mother for them to be there. Find out if, honestly, there's anyone in this group who your mother really, really wants to be there. If they're all just routine distant family relations and friends, then meh. If there's a really special guest or two, then I'd say it's worth a bit more effort to find out if they're going to be there. But I still wouldn't book them food unless you have a 70% indication that they're going to be there.

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by octothorp

It depends on if any of these people are people where it would really mean a lot to your mother for them to be there. Find out if, honestly, there's anyone in this group who your mother really, really wants to be there. If they're all just routine distant family relations and friends, then meh. If there's a really special guest or two, then I'd say it's worth a bit more effort to find out if they're going to be there. But I still wouldn't book them food unless you have a 70% indication that they're going to be there.

They must be really special to be above RSVPing..

[4X4]

Have them set up a cafeteria style table at the back of the room with the names of the 30 that didn't reply. If people actually show up and populate that table, order them some pizzas.

[Ice]

I understand both your mom and your brothers point of view. Why spend 100 per plate on people who may or may not show up? On the other hand, you don't want any guests unhappy at your reception.

How about some middle ground. Placecards and assigned seating for those who RSVP'd and a couple of spare tables with no assigned seating for those who just show up unexpectedly. Rather than a 100.00 per plate meal, have something a little more basic and less expensive. Maybe even appetizers for those tables if people end up sitting there. That way you don't have guests who are hungry, and you're not burning 100 per plate on people who actually aren't coming. Then you have the best man or maid of honor or whoever, thank these people for coming and explain they didn't get an RSVP there was no meal prepared for them. Your mom doesn't have to do the dirty work and the unexpected guests can have a little something to nibble on so they don't starve.

[Tilley]

For our wedding we had a similar situation in that we heard through word of mouth that people who did not return the RSVPs were planning on attending. We ordered extra plates and none of the people showed.

We ate like Kings for the next week.

If they didn't return the RSVP and have made no indication to your mother they are coming, the wedding will likely 'slip their minds' and they won't show.

If they do show, let your brothers handle it.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Okay, I agree with everyone else, so I don't think you need more advice on that front, but to add something to the thread I'd just like to say:

$100 FOR DINNER!?!?!?! WHAT KIND OF CRAZY EXTRAVAGANT WEDDING IS THIS!?!?!?

[COGENT]

tough one. They could just be coming to the wedding not the reception?

I would save the money, however I have never been to a wedding that has ran out of food. In fact, every person I know that has gotten married has always had an incredible amount of leftovers in there freezer for months after the wedding.

Don't worry about feeding these people, it won't be an issue. What you should worry about is the awkward moment when these people don't have a seat at the reception and you have to scramble to create spots for them.

[tete]

I think caterers will always have a few extra plates ready in case of extras, but not likely 10. Ugh. I remember the non-responders at our wedding too - ticked me off.

[ken0042]

The other thing is to check with the catering company. They might have a certain percentage over and above what you order for this exact contingency. And if its that much per plate, it would be to their advantage to have an extra 10 meals ready so they can give you a final number that is higher.

When I worked at a hotel that did weddings, we always made extra. Whatever wasn't used the staff was allowed to buy for a greatly discounted rate.

Aside from that, as somebody who forgot to RSVP once it was nice to still be included in the end. (I was like 20 at the time.) But if your mom has called, emailed, etc there really is no excuse.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by fotze

To be quite honest that would be much more preferrable to me than bland chicken breast or 99% of all wedding meals I have ever had.

Okay that seals it.
I've heard people complain about just about everything on CP, and now we can officially add "Free food at (presumably) a friend's wedding" to that list.

I guess that's everything.

[Eastern Girl]

Originally Posted by octothorp

It depends on if any of these people are people where it would really mean a lot to your mother for them to be there. Find out if, honestly, there's anyone in this group who your mother really, really wants to be there. If they're all just routine distant family relations and friends, then meh. If there's a really special guest or two, then I'd say it's worth a bit more effort to find out if they're going to be there. But I still wouldn't book them food unless you have a 70% indication that they're going to be there.

Some are from my new sister-in-laws family. My mom invited them as a way for everyone to get to know eachother better. She emailed them directly, I tried getting ahold of them and my mom asked my sister-in-law several times to see if she could get a response, but nothing. Now, my sister-in-law is saying her sisters and parents (total of about 11 people, as some want to bring their husbands/boyfriends). I think when she initially invited them it meant a lot to get to know them, but the fact they didn't respond at all has ruined that idea entirely.

Aside from them, a few people she used to work with, go to school with, etc. that she's not terribly concerned with seeing again.

Originally Posted by fotze

I found a cheap dress for your mom, hopefully she was/is a big Heart fan.

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=62342

Oh. Well, she's already got a dress...

But I am a HUGE Heart fan!

... I just don't have a fiancee. For shame.

Originally Posted by jammies

I'm with your brother. If they can't be bothered to confirm that they are coming, screw 'em. The rudeness is all on the part of those who don't understand that this isn't casual night at the pub and you can't just drop on by if you feel you've nothing better to do that night.

Do you get to be a bridesmaid? If so, we expect pictures!

My brothers aren't exactly subtle, so they will literally say, "F*** off" and my mom, I don't think, likes that aspect of the plan.

And no, not a bridesmaid, so no pictures.

[Incinerator]

Originally Posted by Ice

I understand both your mom and your brothers point of view. Why spend 100 per plate on people who may or may not show up? On the other hand, you don't want any guests unhappy at your reception.

How about some middle ground. Placecards and assigned seating for those who RSVP'd and a couple of spare tables with no assigned seating for those who just show up unexpectedly. Rather than a 100.00 per plate meal, have something a little more basic and less expensive. Maybe even appetizers for those tables if people end up sitting there. That way you don't have guests who are hungry, and you're not burning 100 per plate on people who actually aren't coming. Then you have the best man or maid of honor or whoever, thank these people for coming and explain they didn't get an RSVP there was no meal prepared for them. Your mom doesn't have to do the dirty work and the unexpected guests can have a little something to nibble on so they don't starve.

What she said along with 4X4, don't bother ordering the Pizzas until actual bodies are sat at that loser table.

I'm also with Tilley that they likely won't show anyways.