Ugh...Tell Me About Cancer, Please

[JonDuke]

I did a decent search on here, and other than this thread, I didn't really find much about my questions.

My 62 year old, heavy smoking father was taken to the hospital last month due to abdominal pains, and they discovered a "mass" in his large intestine. They removed the mass, along with 8 inches of his intestine and he was under the impression that all was well, and that was the end of it.

Today, he was told he still has the cancer and that is has spread into his lymph nodes as well as into some other part of his body (due to shock, he doesn't recall everything that was said to him at the time, but it's also in a part of the body he has never heard of before). He starts chemo on the 14th.

I am going to call his Dr tomorrow morning for further clarification to his diagnosis. What are the main questions I should be asking?

My father lives alone in NB. I am very far from the 100K CP income club, but I do have access to flight benefits. Is the first chemo session something that I should fly home to support him with?

He just had double knee replacement a few months ago and finally is walking without a cane. Is this going to effect his mobility?

A quick peek online, and the ever opinionated Dr Google tells me once cancer reaches the lymph nodes, it is in the 3-4 stage. Is that true? ie: can you have cancer in the LN's and it not be stage 3 or 4? My wife's father was given 6 months when he was diagnosed and lived 5 years, so I'm not looking for a time frame, per say, but am wondering if it's that much more severe because it has spread outside of the intestine.

Other than my father in law passing 6 months after I married, I am very clueless to the subject. It's been an emotional day and I'm not sure exactly what to think but I've pulled up my big girl panties and just really want to know the true reality of the situation my family is facing. Looking for the straight up, non sugar coated, honest truth.

**********Update:**********
He has stage 4 Cancer of the Cecum, which is under the blanket of Colon Cancer.
The word he didn't know was Omentum (abdominal lining) They Biopsied that and he has Cancer there as well. 7 out of 22 lymph nodes they checked also have cancer. They are going with FOLFIRI and Avastin for treatment. Every 2 weeks. Intent of treatment is not to cure, but to prolong and they do a CAT scam after 6 treatments to see how he is responding.

His doc left is taking a long weekend so I can't get the actual prognosis until Tuesday, but I pretty much see the writing on the walls.

I know stage 4 is bad news, but the whole "we're not doing treatment to cure, but instead to prolong" was a kick in the sac for sure.

Thanks again for all the help, questions, websites and advice!

[dissentowner]

I have no idea what the diagnosis will be but sorry to hear. Cancer sucks ass.

[undercoverbrother]

I don't have any specific question for you. Just remember there are no dumb questions in situations like this, don't feel like you are imposing on the doctor.

I hope things turn out ok.

[You Need a Thneed]

Sorry to hear. Cancer is a terrible thing.

Don't be afraid to ask any questions.

[calgarygringo]

I went through the cancer run many years back with my mother. One if the big concerns was to get it out before it got to the Lymph nodes. Cancer doc explained that is the worst place to have it as it spreads it out from there. I my moms case they even cut them out when she had surgery just to prevent it from spreading. Saying that she lived 10 years after and eventually died from something else and not cancer. Make sure you talk to the cancer docs not just your regular gp and you may get more answers is also what I found based on my experience.
Goog luck and hopefully it turns out well in the end.

[Displaced Flames fan]

Do you know what chemo regimen he will be on? Side effects will depend largely on that.

My wife had Lymphoma last year and tolerated her chemo very well. That's not to say she didn't feel like dirt. She didn't work through it, though she may have been able to. We just chose early on that she wouldn't do that.

Should you be there for the first treatment? I don't think anyone here can answer that for you.

[Buzzard]

Can't help much but can tell you I work with a 70 + old fart. This time last year he was diagnosed with cancer in throat. He had smoked since he was 12. It had spread to lymph nodes. His wife mentioned it being stage 3. He started chemo in January...cant remember, but I think it was twice a week. He didn't look well to say the least. He kept saying....no problem, be back to work in the spring, etc. Needless to say, with his age and condition, we at work weren't nearly as optimistic as he was.

He came back to work the first week of March ,and despite losing quite a lot of weight, looked pretty well all things considered. He's doing well but still smokes.

Just saying this so that you know there is hope for sure.

Best of luck to you and your family through this.

[JonDuke]

Originally Posted by Displaced Flames fan

Do you know what chemo regimen he will be on? Side effects will depend largely on that.

All I know is that he gets a portocath on Monday, and then starts chemo 3 days after that. Thanks though. That will definitely be one of my questions.

[FlamesAddiction]

When my father was first diagnosed and went through chemo, I was there with him. For the first couple of days, he was saying how good he felt and that it was nothing, but then he got really sick. So sick in fact, he didn't want me around and made me leave. He was staying at cancer patient residence though, so he wasn't totally alone. Everyone is different though.

Just don't give up hope. I don't know about the lymph node issue, but I can say that my father was given a "year, or maybe 2", and ended up living another 15 years before he came out of remission and had rapid deterioration this past spring. When he was told he didn't have long, he almost didn't bother with treatment and surgery, but I am glad that he did. I had to really talk him into it.

[Jade]

Don't automatically panic just becuase they said they found some in the lymph nodes. While generally not a good sign, that doesn't mean for sure it has spread to other parts of the body. I would ask if they've only found it in the lymph nodes in the area, or if they have found signs elsewhere. Also ask about common metastasis. Every different type of cancer has areas it is more likely to spread to. This can give you an idea of to expect going forward.

I would also ask what they know about the type of cancer. Different precursor cells are more aggressive than others, and some types will respond better to treatment than others.

As far as trying to be there for the original appointment, you could look into doing that for moral support, but I would think about waiting until nearer the end of the treatment time if I were you. Chemo is very hard on the body, as you are essentially poisoning it and trying to kill off the fast growing cells first. It will vary depending on the type of treatment, but generally it will leave the person very tired, something that will get worse as the treatment goes on. How people generally respond to the type of treatment is something the doctor should be able to let you know. If you can take some time off I would look at going out to help out with things like housework a little ways into the treatment.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me, I worked in a cancer research for several years. It was a while back but I still remember some

[Rathji]

My mom just started Chemo, and I really was insistent that I be there for the first chemo treatment, but she convinced me otherwise. Really, it is just a bunch of sick people sitting in a room on IVs.

I went to a few Dr appointments, so I knew what was going on, and that made me feel a ton better about the whole process.

Her chemo is 7 treatments, separated into the first group of 4 and second group of 3, each of which used different drugs. The first group of Chemo was pretty good, she lost her hair but that was about it. The second stage drugs really knocked her immune system out - she got a cold 2 weeks ago and is just barely starting to get over it.

I will echo what Jade said and prioritize more about making sure there is support during the later treatments, but that really depends on what other supports he has in place.

[Canada 02]

this is a very accurate description of colon cancer staging

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/colonan...-cancer-staged

this is pretty good as well

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/p...ge2#Keypoint14

based on the cancer being in his "lymph nodes as well as into some other part of his body" means that it is at least stage III, likely stage IIIC

it may be stage IV depending on what part of the body the cancer has spread to (liver, lung, peritoneum - could this be the body part he never heard of before; fancy word for lining of the abdominal wall

Questions to ask

1. How many lymph nodes are affected? Did they do a biopsy on a lymph node(s) during the initial surgery or is it based on a scan? Pathological diagnosis is more definitive than a scan.
2. What parts of the body has it spread to?
3. Have they done genetic testing on any samples? There are some targeted molecular therapies that will only work if a specific gene is not mutated
4. What is the chemo regimen? The most common is FOLFOX; another is FOLFIRI. Why did they choose one regimen over another? What are the common side effects? What are the rare side effects? Will he receive an antiemetic to limit the side effects?

PSA - get your regular colonoscopy at age 50 and beyond - depending on the result, 'regular' may be is infrequent as every 10 years; high risk individuals much earlier

[prarieboy]

I lost both my parents to Cancer, they were both quite young. I don't want to post to much in a public forum but if you are wondering about how things work at Tom Baker I could possibly shed some light through PM.

My last thought tonight will be with your DAD

[flamesfever]

Some of the questions that come to mind are:

1. Where is the cancer, besides his intestines?
2. If it has spread to the lymph nodes, how many do they suspect?
3. What stage is his cancer?
4. What is his prognosis?
5. What reliable websites can I use to learn more about my father’s condition and standard protocol for his treatment?
6. What treatment is the oncologist recommending for my father?
7. What support will my father need when he is taking chemo, apart from what he already has in place, and should I come home?

Taking chemo in the hospital is not what it used to be. The atmosphere is quite relaxed and comfortable, and the nurses are specially trained to answer all your concerns. Things like the drugs for nausea, etc. are quite effective.

While the side effects during treatment can be significant, there are many avenues of support, set up to help those going through it. The support of family and friends is important, whether it’s attending meeting with him and his doctor, making sure his basic needs are attended to, maintaining contact, etc.

I would suggest you go up to the Tom Baker and get a booklet entitled, “Chemotherapy and Other Drug Therapies – a guide for people with cancer. It will give you a list of questions to ask about your father’s drug treatment, along with an explanation of the many side effects he may encounter. I would guess your father will be given a copy of this publication.

If you want to send me a PM, I would try to offer more help.

[JonDuke]

I honestly wouldn't have thought of half of those questions but literally had my computer opened to this page when I was speaking to my dads nurse. Thanks!

He has stage 4 Cancer of the Cecum, which is under the blanket of Colon Cancer.
The word he didn't know was Omentum (abdominal lining) They Biopsied that and he has Cancer there as well. 7 out of 22 lymph nodes they checked also have cancer. They are going with FOLFIRI and Avastin for treatment. Every 2 weeks. Intent of treatment is not to cure, but to prolong and they do a CAT scam after 6 treatments to see how he is responding.

His doc left is taking a long weekend so I can't get the actual prognosis until Tuesday, but I pretty much see the writing on the walls.

I know stage 4 is bad news, but the whole "we're not doing treatment to cure, but instead to prolong" was a kick in the sac for sure.

Thanks again for all the help, questions, websites and advice!

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by JonDuke

I know stage 4 is bad news, but the whole "we're not doing treatment to cure, but instead to prolong" was a kick in the sac for sure.

That is what I was told about my dad, but we ended getting another 15 years out of him. I can't say what stage he was at or too much of the technical info when I was told that, but don't give up hope.

[wooohooo]

I took it hard when I found out my Dad had liver cancer but they did a biopsy and that was it. But the first few times you hear the news and it being malignant I just thought things were over. I don't want to give you false hope or anything, but keep your head up.

I have a friend and his Mom just passed away but she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and with months to live. She lived almost 3 years after which is incredible.

Cancer 10 years ago isn't what cancer is now. But cancer is still cancer and spend and cherish as much time as you have with your father. Life is short. Hold in there buddy.

[Rathji]

My dad had severely advanced stage 4 lung cancer when he was diagnosed in May 2003. He died in December 2003 when his liver shut down.

The reason I say this, is I didn't spend the time with him that I wanted to in those last months. Its the stupid things like I wanted to go to one more hockey game with him or I wanted to listen to his favorite Janis Joplin CD with him, or learn what really happened when he ran away to the US to fight in Vietnam as a 17 year old.

That's the stuff I really regret, and even 10 years later is making me cry like a baby as I type this at my desk in my office.

Don't have those regrets, because even if he lives 10 more years, you won't regret spending that time with him, but if he only lasts 10 more months, you will certainly regret not doing it.

[Reaper]

My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver cancer on July 15, 2013. He died from it on August 17, 2013. One thing to keep in mind about Stage 4 is that there is not Stage 5.

I know this will sound harsh but you need to make sure you make peace with your father and say the things that need to be said. You do not want to leave anything unsaid.

I miss him like crazy. And now I'm crying at work. Damnit.

[cam_wmh]

Gents

If others like myself, take away your regrets as lessons --- then sharing your story served a purpose. Thanks for sharing such intimate parts of your lives, in such a faceless online forum.