Dear Mr. Vira,
On behalf of the Columbus Blue Jackets and handsome men everywhere, I would like to welcome you to the CPHL. I am here for you whenever you need me. I can be your shoulder to cry on when GM’s try to pull a fast one on you. I can be your drinking buddy to share laughs with when you find out how old Cheese is. I can be that guy on the other end of the phone to talk about BJ when he sends you a bad offer. I will not only be a CPHL colleague, but I will be your friend.
You are probably asking yourself: “Why is this nice man being so kind to me?” The answer is simple; I am a giving person and only want what is best for the CPHL. You even have to watch out for Grant. There is a reason why his CPHL franchise was just voted the most valuable/desirable in the whole league. I would suggest jotting down your current team on your typewriter because if you do not, don’t be surprised to see Mr. Vanek on the Wild tomorrow morning. It can happen overnight with the click of a button.
I would like to extend an offer to you. No pressure and you can take it or leave it. I would like to work out your first CPHL with you. The Habs and the Jackets. What better way to start your CPHL career than to trade with such a nice guy as myself? The deal will be fair for both sides because if it is not, the league will reject it anyways.
So when you are ready and have taken the time to realize that all the other GM’s in this league are vultures, you send me a PM so our great working relationship can begin.
Warmest Regards,
MJK
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