Having hobbies that family can validate?

[I-Hate-Hulse]

Are you Asian?

[GGG]

I think there is a big it depends here that we don’t know if you current behaviours are detrimental.

As a parent of still teenagers here is what I would be concerned with.

Are you putting a work week worth of effort into something additive. They can be labour for money, this can be learning a new skill, this can be educational, this can be looking for work. You currently are part time on the labour front so what are you adding to that to get to a minimum of 40hrs of productive effort. If you had a full time job this should probably be 50 hrs so you have some external from work time for self improvement.

Are you getting your recommended 150 minutes of physical activity per week? If not this is a concern and a habit you should build while young.

Do you have at least one in person social activity per week. (This could be combined with say video games or hockey in my opinion as long as it’s physically in person and not online)

Are your share of household chores done? You should be doing your own cleaning and laundry for your space plus taking on cleaning, and cooking activities for shared spaces. This should be done without anyone asking you

Are you getting 7-9hrs of sleep per night?
Are you out of bed for at least 14hrs a day?

The goal of this list is to ensure you are looking after your work requirements, physical health, mental health, and ensuring you are getting in person face time with people outside of family and work.


If you have checked off those boxes I don’t think I would care if the rest of the time is spent tiktoking, watching hockey, playing video games or whatever else. And if you do the above efficiently you probably have 40-50hrs of free time. If you aren’t checking those boxes then I think your mom is just poorly expressing what she is concerned about and instead of having the more difficult conversation it’s easier to just rant about video games.

[Cappy]

Video games were a very guilty pleasure of mine since college.

I didnt like to admit i played video games and anytime i did play, i felt like i should be doing something else.

now i don't give a ####. I enjoy them, they are a nice escape after a crap day of work, and its more engaging than just watching tv.

Video games as a hobby are also way more approved nowadays. I've seen people openly display video games as a hobby on websites and even resumes, and not being admonished or judged on it.

As long as it doesn't take over your life or prevents you from doing your day to day responsibilities, no one should care what your hobbies are.

[V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

How old are you

28 years old

[V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan]

Originally Posted by I-Hate-Hulse

Are you Asian?

Vietnamese Canadian since you’re curious

[V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan]

Originally Posted by GGG

I think there is a big it depends here that we don’t know if you current behaviours are detrimental.

As a parent of still teenagers here is what I would be concerned with.

Are you putting a work week worth of effort into something additive. They can be labour for money, this can be learning a new skill, this can be educational, this can be looking for work. You currently are part time on the labour front so what are you adding to that to get to a minimum of 40hrs of productive effort. If you had a full time job this should probably be 50 hrs so you have some external from work time for self improvement.

Are you getting your recommended 150 minutes of physical activity per week? If not this is a concern and a habit you should build while young.

Do you have at least one in person social activity per week. (This could be combined with say video games or hockey in my opinion as long as it’s physically in person and not online)

Are your share of household chores done? You should be doing your own cleaning and laundry for your space plus taking on cleaning, and cooking activities for shared spaces. This should be done without anyone asking you

Are you getting 7-9hrs of sleep per night?
Are you out of bed for at least 14hrs a day?

The goal of this list is to ensure you are looking after your work requirements, physical health, mental health, and ensuring you are getting in person face time with people outside of family and work.


If you have checked off those boxes I don’t think I would care if the rest of the time is spent tiktoking, watching hockey, playing video games or whatever else. And if you do the above efficiently you probably have 40-50hrs of free time. If you aren’t checking those boxes then I think your mom is just poorly expressing what she is concerned about and instead of having the more difficult conversation it’s easier to just rant about video games.

If you’re one of those guys that suggest alpha podcasts, I would be very concerned to taking advice from you. Also ever since that toxic conversation, I’ve been experiencing sleepless where I truly feel like I can’t sleep. I hate the idea of exercise. Just a stupid way to get my clothes wet with sweat…

[V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan]

Originally Posted by Amethyst

It sounds like perhaps she's concerned that you are spending a lot of time alone at home and not interacting with others in person very much right now.

I remember specifically telling her I hate being around other people. Feels too suffocating

[Jason14h]

So you're 28 and live at home, work part time, don't like people, don't like to exercise and want to sit around and play video games and watch TV all day.

I have no idea why your Mom might be annoyed and trying to help you get a "real" hobby

[chedder]

I think you need to have a real look in the mirror. You can't just go from being a pharmacy tech to writing the board exam to being a pharmacist. You won't be able to write the licencing exam until you have your PharmD. To obtain that, you need to get into pharmacy school, which is an ultra competitive practical doctorate degree (4 years and $100 grand tuition) usually after an undergrad science degree. If you really want to go that route, studying your butt off for the next 4 plus years will be your main hobby.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Probably good arguments from both sides here. Bottom line is, if you want to do your own thing, then you need to run your own thing. Which includes your own place. Reading into your other posts I’ve seen, you’re going through it a bit right now. I’m sure this doesn’t help, but your mom also probably thinks she’s helping. You need your own spot.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan

If you’re one of those guys that suggest alpha podcasts, I would be very concerned to taking advice from you. Also ever since that toxic conversation, I’ve been experiencing sleepless where I truly feel like I can’t sleep. I hate the idea of exercise. Just a stupid way to get my clothes wet with sweat…

What is an “alpha” podcast?

[Locke]

Volunteerism is a great use of time. I've done lots of it over the years, plus you meet a lot of new people and if you're volunteering at something you're interested in then you meet people who likely share that interest.

That or join the Army. I wouldnt recommend that at the moment, theres a higher than 'non-zero' chance that you could find yourself in some dust bowl on the other side of the world.

[Sr. Mints]

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Locke

join the Army. I wouldnt recommend that at the moment, theres a higher than 'non-zero' chance that you could find yourself in some dust bowl on the other side of the world.

Phuck yeah Bitch

[blankall]

Originally Posted by GGG

What is an “alpha” podcast?

Pretty sure he's referring to the Alpha Male manosphere type stuff.. Guys like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate are the most prominent examples, but there's lots not as extreme people with similar messages.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan

If you’re one of those guys that suggest alpha podcasts, I would be very concerned to taking advice from you. Also ever since that toxic conversation, I’ve been experiencing sleepless where I truly feel like I can’t sleep. I hate the idea of exercise. Just a stupid way to get my clothes wet with sweat…

GGG is the forum poster who presents everything entirely dispassionately, while attempting to understand systems and behaviors. He's about the last person here that would argue Alpha talking points. But I understand your guarded response. Nobody likes to be told what to do(hell, it's why posted this thread) but your response is also along the lines of someone how just wants their view validated, and to not actually question what is behind it.

GGG laid out some very fair, rational lifestyle thoughts, and perhaps reasons why your mom is giving you a hard time. You are young, and should be putting all of your energy into improving your life later. Trust me, it's waaay harder when you are older. And yes, I know it sucks at your age, too. But most of us are speaking from experience of going to extended education, working crap jobs to make ends meet and toughing it out until we got to our goal. I lived in a rental with 4-15 room mates, depending on the day. It's not easy because life isn't easy.

If the argument is still affecting you, maybe some professional advice would help. There are free resources that you can use to talk to people. Talk to your doctor. It's certainly not healthy to be your age and have your sleep constantly destroyed by mental health and as you can see, is impacting your life. So fix it.

Life is a series of problems that need fixing, solving, moving on from...and I'm sorry to also sound like an Alpha, but dude, you gotta exercise. It's not really optional. The worst part is when you hit 35 losing weight is neigh impossible, forming habits is harder, your body is less capable. The trick with exercise is you have to find something you enjoy doing. Any movement is good. Biking, walking, disc golf, dodge ball, team sports might be good for your social life. Whatever, you have to find what works for you, but you really do have to find something. "Wet clothes" is a lame excuse, and I'm not sorry to say that.

He's also completely right about the chores, the exception being if your parents really want to support you to maximize the other areas of your life, it's OK to put less time there with their permission. But if you ever want to be a good spouse, you gotta be on these things regularly.

You sound lost and you need some help, but you really do have the power to do a lot of it yourself(unless their are disabilities here we aren't aware of). We are a bunch of guys who have lived through your life stage, but aren't so far from it as it to be alien to us. Keep asking for advice, it's up to you to actually do the work though.

[PuckSlap]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

How old are you

Bro, have you seen the housing market, He could be bill gates.

[Coach]

You got to find a way to get out of your house man. Especially if you've never left (ie aren't on a temporary stay after being out of the house for a while). No hate or shame, the housing market is tough. But if you're smart/driven enough to get through your schooling you've been undertaking, you should be resourceful enough to get yourself a room somewhere. Just for your own sanity. Get some roommates. Grow a social circle. It doesn't have to be huge. You'll find people the same as you.

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by Coach

My dad used to admonish my younger brother for being too absorbed in video games.

Now he designs VR education systems, so.... EAD.

So your dad is pretty successful and now designs VR education systems. Seems he knows what he was talking about.


I know, I know. Just a giggle for me.

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan

If you’re one of those guys that suggest alpha podcasts, I would be very concerned to taking advice from you. Also ever since that toxic conversation, I’ve been experiencing sleepless where I truly feel like I can’t sleep. I hate the idea of exercise. Just a stupid way to get my clothes wet with sweat…

Hey Vinny. Good to hear from you. Not sure about the alpha podcasts piece but the information GGG put in his post is bang on. Everything he said in there is correct. Scott Galloway just released a book called Notes on Being a Man. He is very concerned with the situation for young males in our society and you are a bang on example of what he is talking about. Unfortunately, our current society is very difficult to navigate for someone like you. That does not mean it is impossible so don't give up. All the advice people gave you in the mental health thread applies and I hope you applied some of it.

Nobody is telling you what YOU need to do. You need to take the comments as suggestions, coming from a good place of trying to help you, that you can consider and choose which ones work for you. (Ironically, I just said no one is telling you what to do and then immediately tell you what to do. Facepalm. I will leave it for posterity but I am suggesting what you may want to consider doing...)

The following is all in my opinion, but comes from someone with a lot of experience, and ironically in a situation not that different from your own.

1. You didn't say how much you are currently working but if it is not over 30 hours per week you need to make getting additional work a priority. This will help your self esteem, bank account and make sure you are not cocooning in your house.

2. I would seriously go through GGGs post again and look at how it applies to your life. Make a list, am I doing this or not? If not, how can I incorporate it into my life? And then work on it. Start with small steps and build from there. A 20 minute walk outside absolutely counts as exercise if you are not doing anything else. You just have to take the first, smallest step for each thing you want to change.

3. I won't tell you what to do about your education and career path. I think you have that under control. I would advise you to seriously consider whether you are doing everything you can to make it happen. If not, what could you improve on? How to do that? What is the first step?

4. I also suffer from social isolation of my own making. But I am taking steps to work on that. It is a very real thing and contributes to depression, other mental health issues and pisses off parents and spouses. A possible solution for you may to explore something like Calgary Sport and Social club. Pick an activity that sounds fun, sign up and show up. If you hate it don't go back and pick a different activity. You may find it is a ton of fun, surrounded by people who may become a friend or mate and you may even get some exercise. If I was in your shoes this would be my go-to to meet people and 'get out there.' Other than your workplace it would be a great place to meet people who have a similar mindset as you, otherwise they wouldn't be there.

5. As hard as it is, I would try to talk to your mom about your plan. First make a plan and put it on paper. This is my goal, these are the steps I need to take to reach that goal and this is the first thing I am working on. Do the same for your non-work life. Show her that. Communicate with her, appreciate her comments, but let her know you will make the decision, not her. This shows that you have a plan, are working on it, appreciate her advice and support, but that you will decide. I know this can be hard, but if you are going to live there, you need to remove this conflict from your life.

It may seem hard to see everyone comment without feeling like they are piling on you. You did ask for help, and people provided it. Please don't take it as a criticism but as suggestions on how you can improve your situation.

I hope you continue to get better. If you are feeling down, don't hesitate to post. Maybe in the mental health thread, which may be a bit more accepting, but even posting can be a journaling-type exercise and help you sort out your thoughts.

Take care.