Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch
I kind of found myself choking up when I posted this. It was two years ago, when a family member and really good guy who was going through some really tough times (Battling addiction, the break up of his marriage). took his own life.
He had left town a couple of months ago to, as he claimed drive across Canada do some camping and clear his mind. I think he knew what he was going to do.
I still feel guilty about it frankly, because I hadn't been a great friend when he left town, looking back I didn't see the signs or maybe I ignored them. But he seemed for the first time in a long time, relaxed and easy going instead of what he had been.
When I heard the news, we were all devastated, all of his family and even his friends, but as the days when we all gathered to celebrate his life, I think that on reflection nobody was shocked.
It took me a long time to get over this feeling of guilt, and then anger that he had done it.
That's why I put up this message.
Listen if you have an inkling, a bad feeling. If someone close to you is having a hard time, and suffering through it, and then their personalty changes, we can't be afraid to ask questions, take temperatures, or just take them out of the environment their in. And keep touching base. Don't be afraid to ask for help in dealing with a person if you're afraid or worried.
Suicide goes beyond the loss of one life. It shatters many as self centered as it sounds.
Its a ####ty time right now for a lot of people, lets be good to each other, lets help each other, and lets try to get the people that need it that reason to go on and not hurt themselves.
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It is easier to say than to do but you should not have felt guilty. About 10 years ago my sister attempted suicide is a terribly violent way that has left here permanently disabled. Reflecting after I have realized that once someone is in the state of wanting that "out" it is very difficult to change that thinking. I'm not saying do nothing, but sometimes there isn't much you can do. In the end we kept tracks on her all the time, had her try multiple government programs, and other therapies we sought out. She still attempted to kill herself. I'm just saying sometimes you can try everything in your power and other than chaining them to something, which obviously you can't do, whatever you do may not be enough.
So of course use whatever resources are available but if what is feared or what you don't notice ends up in suicide you can not blame yourself. They are not really the person you knew and you may not be able to get them back. Unfortunately, it was the attempt and survival that ultimately brought my sister back to her former self.