[lucky1]

Originally Posted by blankall

This might be an unpopular opinion, but going to couples counselling was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I broke up with my partner of about 9 years about 2 years ago now. We started having major problems, basically as soon as we moved in together. We decided to go to couples counselling after being on the verge of breaking up. The first thing the counselor said was that she never advises people to break up unless there is active cheating going on. She gave us a bunch of coping strategies and urged us to work through our problems.

At that point I was in my late 20s, and she was in her mid-20s. When we broke up I was 36 and she was 33. We stayed together because we wanted to make things work. We both had a dream of a family with multiple kids. We went through cycles of various length of vicious fights, silent treatment, and honeymooning, without actually resolving any issues.



My biggest fear about the whole thing is that, due to a biological clock, my former partner may never get the chance to have children. Although I'm very glad we didn't bring children into an unhappy home, I'm constantly haunted by the fact I may have ruined my former partner's life by staying in a relationship in order to give us both what we thought we wanted. It became one of those things, where the longer we were together, the more obligated we felt to work it out.

We should have just accepted that it was okay to break up. At the end of the day, the counselor couldn't see what our relationship was like on a day to day basis, and all of her strategies just helped to mask bigger fundamental problems.

We obviously made our own decisions, but my point is that no amount of counseling can fix certain problems.

This!!!! If it’s doomed, cut your losses now.... your relationship will never ever be the same. You may stay together a few years longer, but in the end, all it will mean is more alimony that you’ll have to pay....