Quote:
Originally Posted by dammage79
I honestly don't know. Hope?
I'm unmarried, no kids, living out of a car, work my ass off and live paycheck to paycheck and two paychecks behind.
The last 5 years has felt like scrapping and crawling and still slipping down the chasm.
I have moments of weakness where I break down and literally cry for hours every 6 or 7 months. Which is pretty much when I take account of my efforts in that time espan and see where there's progress being made only to realize you're falling further behind.
What keeps me going? Stubbornness, hope. Hope I'll finally sleep in my own bed once again. Hope I can see my nieces and nephews grow up and become amazing people.
But it's damned bleak man, and it's exhausting trudging through these current experiences. I'm weary, I'm tired, I don't care about a lot of things like I used to. Trying to let go of things to focus more energy on survival. I feel like I've been in survival mode for a few years now and I'm scared of how it'll affect me after this experience.
Can't tell you how the anxiety takes over every night, sleep isn't particularly friendly.
I'd like to think my deletion does more harm than good but I also have nothing really to tether me here. And thats a lonely ass thought to fight with. Self worth is questioned hourly.
It adds up and I see how many hit thay wall.
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Are you in Calgary? PM me if you need a safe, quiet and dark spot to park where you wont be hassled. I'm on 10 acres of land just outside the SW edge of the City near the Cross Conservation area and you are welcome to come park on occasion if you'd like.
If you are handy and can chop wood, mend fences, or cut grass we could also provide some cash and/or some home-cooked meals.