[CaptainCrunch]

Oh man that's hard to read, and I'm really sorry about your and your grandparents situation. I can't imagine the stress and tension that you're going through.


With my mom with dementia, she's nearing the end. She's stopped, refused to eat, she's lost about 20 pounds in the last few weeks, she entered memory care weighing 110 pounds and she's below 90 pounds now. She's stopped communicating at all, and just violently strikes out at. I've arranged to get my sisters home for this week just in case, as her care is now considered to be palliative, and we were advised that she's not long for this world. .



You're going to go through guilt, first of all the questions about getting her to the hospital right away , which is not your fault. You'll go through a whole other guilt. To be honest, I alternately pray for my mother to hold on, but there are moments, where I pray for her to die to end her suffering, and then feel horrible about it.



I think the one thing that you can do is to make sure that you not only work to support your grandmother and make sure that the time she has left is surrounded by love and support, but support your family members. For example, I'm talking to my Dad twice a day, and encouraging him to see my mom even though his visits aren't really all that positive for him mentally as he watches his wife waste away, but I've also encouraged him to do other things he likes to do, paint, play crib with other residents, work in their gardens, believe it or not I also got him to take a meditation and wellness class, which actually makes me laugh considering that it wasn't that long ago that we were riding out his second suicide attempt, and he was in the psychiatric care unit at Rockyview.



I don't know if I'm sure what my point is at the moment, I just felt I needed to respond to what your going through, and say that all though its wearing and stressful and exhausting, you'll get through it , just stay strong.



I stopped writing in this thread, because, it's tough, and the journey with elderly parents or grandparents is not like the movies where they're smart and wise and generally completely functional, with wise and sage last words or deep conversations, and then they just kind of fade away. Instead it feels like its full of tough decisions and conversations, There are petty family arguments, and administration, and the end itself isn't pretty or in some cases dignified. And the journey for them is not easy.



So its important to embrace the people around you and to somehow if you can gather strength from your family connections. Also if you feel you need it, to connect with a professional, either through the mental health helplines, or your family physician or any other areas to help you sort out your feelings and make sure your in a position to help your grandmother with what she's going through without destroying you. I made the mistake for the longest time, of just repressing things, and dealing with the stress and trauma on my own, and it almost killed me. Don't do what I did.



Take care of yourself, you can DM and ask me anything, if you need or want to.