[Senator Clay Davis]

So I have to start by confessing my embarrassment to not knowing this movie even existed until earlier this year, when a friend put me on to it. It's been nearly 20 years since this movie came out, yet having now seen it I am ashamed that I have let such a masterpiece go unwatched, unnoticed, for nearly half my life. A movie that is admittedly challenging, but yields some of the finest cinematic rewards I could ever experience. From the hyperbolic lead in to it's revelation, I think you all probably know what movie I'm talking about....

....I finally saw "The Room".

And even now, some 48 hours later, I'm still processing it. Whether that's because I'm still in awe of it, or am still trying to figure out how Tommy Wiseau got $6 million financing for it (or where that money went since it clearly wasn't spent on the movie), or whether he, or any of the cast, are actually human beings, I don't honestly know. Those who are aware of this movie are also aware of it's legendary reputation, and it is deserved. Like so much incredible comedy, trying to be funny is nowhere near as funny as trying to be serious, and being unable to do so. It is at times implausible to think this wasn't made as some sort of absurdist black comedy, but that's what makes it so good, this was legitimately Tommy's attempt at a magnum opus.

Going through the technical details of the film seem pointless to a degree, but at the very least the plot is about as straightforward as it gets: Yuppie dude is being two-timed by his fiance with his best friend. Now I assume the other non-sequitur scenes here are Tommy's attempt at some sort of avant-garde cinema, but about 75% of the movie is these non-sequiturs that you often cannot figure out why the exist, especially since they are never followed up on. But they still yield amazing, and unexpected, rewards. The conclusion is supposed to be a deep, emotional climax, but in the spirit of the movie ends up yielding perhaps the biggest laugh of all.

But whatever Tommy's intentions, he did something most movie makers can only dream of: He made a totally unique, and unforgettable cinematic experience. Every human being owes it to themselves to watch this movie, but it really should be in a group setting. I cannot imagine watching this alone, it feels like it defeats the purpose to sit and watch this in a serious, analytical sense. No, you need to be with some friends so you can all bond over who Chris R was, what drugs Denny was on, why that flower shop scene exists (and manages to be so hilarious), why the boil on Lisa's neck shows up in that one scene only, how the quality of the acting can make every scene seem dubbed, why the grandma is excited at all of the non-sequitur plot points, or whether even a nice set of boobs can redeem the least erotic sex scenes ever made.

There are few things in human history that can be a better bonding experience then slamming copious amounts of substances and having a complete laugh riot. The midnight screenings sound like so much fun, maybe one day Calgary will have one. If we do get one you can bet your ass I will be there.

0/10 as an actual technical movie

10 CHEEEEEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheeps/10 for the fun.