[CaptainCrunch]

So a couple of things just because of the bump. My mom has seriously deteriorated, she really doesn't know who any of her kids or her husband is, she really can't converse she's totally disoriented, and she's prone to incredible outbursts both verbally and physically. Its terrifying to see your mother like this.

My Dad has gone into severe bouts of anxiety and depression, he has witnessed the high points where visits are good, and incredible low points where my mom tells him that she hates him and doesn't want to see him again, and she flirts with other men in her ward in front of my Dad which is terrible for his mental state. Today my Dad didn't handle it well, broke down and swore off of visiting my mother again. Meanwhile because of my mom's outbursts we're meeting with the facility doctor who is probably going to up the medication that she's on. That's terrifying, if you've ever gone into memory care you can see a lot of them are just in a zombie state and they just sit all day long and stare at the wall or sleep in place.

So this has created a lot of anxiety with us kids. except instead of going and looking forward to visits we are now dreading it.

Ok though, IHH, My Dad was very much in denial on the drivers license and giving it up, he still believed that he was a good driver, even though a ride with him was like a terrifying combination of a roller coaster and a shark attack. We managed to get his license away only when we got him into assisted living and we committed to providing him a weekly trip to shop or run errands. Its tougher in your situation, but I do recommend honesty. Your Dad will get angry, but with most folks giving up a license is mostly giving up independence, you have to find away around that, that's why you or someone might need to promise a weekly trip or whatever, which is also a way for your Dad to get a visit and a road trip.

We looked at the in home care, but my Folks did the same thing and played up how much they hated the nurses that were sent to look in and provide care. Again, its about giving up their independence. I found it was an argument that we weren't going to win. What convinced the change for my Dad and it was awful, was that he couldn't handle my mom's erratic behavior, and when it got to that point, we were able to get my mom into care, and then when my Dad struggled on his own, and I hate to say this tried to OD twice, he agreed to move into a care facility.

But and I hate to say this, because its been years or hell and stress and anxiety for my parents and their kids. It never seems to end. Just when you settle in to a good period it comes to a crashing halt.

Now we're looking at the next phase. We put my parents into private care, which is tremendously expensive, and is steadily eating up their savings, and we're trying to find a public bed for my mom. Yeah good luck with that, and good luck with any type of plan to keep my parents together or close together when my mom goes into the public system.

Anyways enough of my rambling and story about the derailment.

The getting a drivers license off of your Dad is going to be difficult unless you can replace the loss of independence and convenience of driving with something else and realize that in home care is tough and your parents will fight it til it hits the point where something happens that convinces them that things are not like they were 20 years ago.