Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community - View Single Post - CPHL Biography # 17

HalifaxDrunk · 01-26-2007, 11:33 AM

MJK - Out of my way ###### bag.

Semi-Pro Wrestler, Mob Boss: Born Davie Eric Shun Penney on August 13, 1974 in Corner Brook, NL, Canada. His parents Ned & Maude Penney run a local watering hole called Group Therapy. Their slogan is "The Best Treatment for Alcoholics is Group Therapy" He is the youngest of 8 children.

When MJK turned 13, he tried to join the Mickey Mouse club but was rejected as the judges did not enjoy his “Hair on fire” audition. At age 17 MJK was expelled from grade 5 and labeled “unteachable”, he then traveled for a year around the New England States, living as a male stripper named Master Jack Kough.

It is an urban legend that MJK is named after Maynard James Keenan, the lead singer of the band Tool. Actually the name was born out of Davie’s stripping background. His promotional posters shortened his stagename from Master Jack Kough to just MJK.

MJK learned wrestling from an early age his parent’s tavern. Each Wednesday night for 13 years MJK would jello-wrestle a male blow-up doll to entertain the patrons. He went on to become a Corner Brook community-college champion before making his professional debut in 1994 as part of Atlantic Canada’s Grand Prix Wrestling. MJK’s finishing move is titled the Mighty Jockstrap Kiss. He finishes off his opponent with a flying headbutt into their crotch (in fact his head ended up in the opponent's crotch more often than not).

MJK got his first real job in 2001 as a janitor for the local Dairy Queen in Corner Brook. Over the next two years 14 co-workers mysteriously died allowing MJK to rapidly rise through the company eventually becoming the Manager. It was here that MJK finely tuned his questionable managerial skills. Through intimidation and name calling he crafted the jerk persona that would become his trademark.

One night in 2003 while drunk, MJK wandered into a neighbor’s home that he thought was his own, and fell asleep while pooping in their washing machine.

On Jan 7th 2007 MJK married his wife Mysha Long after dating her for only 13 days. The two met this past Boxing Day while clubbing seals with Sir Paul McCartney.

MJK is believed to be the Boss of a feared Newfoundland Mafia group. “The Lewis Hillbillies” have achieved great renown for their prowess at racketeering, thievery and money laundering. MJK was featured on a W5 exposé in regards to over 5,000 missing X-Boxes turning up on EBay in 2004.

Traditionally the Hillbillies travel everywhere by snowmobile, MJK is rarely seen driving anything other than his “Ol Betsy”.

The Hillbillies have been known to infiltrate a reputable organization and filter money out. The Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) believe MJK and The Lewis Hillbillies are currently be working a scam out of South Florida.

Stay tuned for the next Biography: Noops - It was like that when I got here...I SWEAR!

01-26-2007, 11:33 AM	#1
HalifaxDrunk #2 960 Prankster Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: In a Pub Exp:	CPHL Biography # 17 - MJK MJK - Out of my way ###### bag. Semi-Pro Wrestler, Mob Boss: Born Davie Eric Shun Penney on August 13, 1974 in Corner Brook, NL, Canada. His parents Ned & Maude Penney run a local watering hole called Group Therapy. Their slogan is "The Best Treatment for Alcoholics is Group Therapy" He is the youngest of 8 children. When MJK turned 13, he tried to join the Mickey Mouse club but was rejected as the judges did not enjoy his “Hair on fire” audition. At age 17 MJK was expelled from grade 5 and labeled “unteachable”, he then traveled for a year around the New England States, living as a male stripper named Master Jack Kough. It is an urban legend that MJK is named after Maynard James Keenan, the lead singer of the band Tool. Actually the name was born out of Davie’s stripping background. His promotional posters shortened his stagename from Master Jack Kough to just MJK. MJK learned wrestling from an early age his parent’s tavern. Each Wednesday night for 13 years MJK would jello-wrestle a male blow-up doll to entertain the patrons. He went on to become a Corner Brook community-college champion before making his professional debut in 1994 as part of Atlantic Canada’s Grand Prix Wrestling. MJK’s finishing move is titled the Mighty Jockstrap Kiss. He finishes off his opponent with a flying headbutt into their crotch (in fact his head ended up in the opponent's crotch more often than not). MJK got his first real job in 2001 as a janitor for the local Dairy Queen in Corner Brook. Over the next two years 14 co-workers mysteriously died allowing MJK to rapidly rise through the company eventually becoming the Manager. It was here that MJK finely tuned his questionable managerial skills. Through intimidation and name calling he crafted the jerk persona that would become his trademark. One night in 2003 while drunk, MJK wandered into a neighbor’s home that he thought was his own, and fell asleep while pooping in their washing machine. On Jan 7th 2007 MJK married his wife Mysha Long after dating her for only 13 days. The two met this past Boxing Day while clubbing seals with Sir Paul McCartney. MJK is believed to be the Boss of a feared Newfoundland Mafia group. “The Lewis Hillbillies” have achieved great renown for their prowess at racketeering, thievery and money laundering. MJK was featured on a W5 exposé in regards to over 5,000 missing X-Boxes turning up on EBay in 2004. Traditionally the Hillbillies travel everywhere by snowmobile, MJK is rarely seen driving anything other than his “Ol Betsy”. The Hillbillies have been known to infiltrate a reputable organization and filter money out. The Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) believe MJK and The Lewis Hillbillies are currently be working a scam out of South Florida. Stay tuned for the next Biography: Noops - It was like that when I got here...I SWEAR!