I thought about joining in here for a while. I just didn't feel like it. I may have commented on another thread before but I can't remember if I did or if I remember the several times I typed out something and then deleted it.
My dad also has dementia. He isn't the same person anymore. He has become very quiet and withdrawn. Some days he'll try to talk and joke. He always liked to tease and he still does, but its become very much joking like a 5 year old would do. He's not good with names anymore. I'm sure he doesn't remember the names of most of us anymore. It is something that I noticed a few years ago that he would accidentally use the wrong name for my boys or me. Then my mom started to get suspicious and they got him checked. Sure enough, it was dementia. The hardest part is seeing him yet he isn't the same person.
My mom really struggles with it, but she has always been a "I'll take care if it myself" type person, so she doesn't let me do much to help. All I find that I can do now is to just be there to talk to her. I'll call her a couple times per week, even if she has already called me once or twice that week. I used to call once a week or every other week, but phone calls have gone up. I can give her a lot of advice for general things like car care and stuff like that. I think I'll take over all of her car maintenance soon. She gets stressed easy taking care of that just adds to her plate and makes her feel overwhelmed.
My dad stopped driving about 2 years ago, maybe 3 now. He would get lost quite easily. Thankfully it was always when my mom was with him and she could ask him where he was going. There was a couple of times where she would say, "You need to turn right in two intersections" so he would turn left at the next one. He knew that was becoming a problem so he gave up his license. He didn't really say anything about this, he just started going to the passenger side whenever my parents would go anywhere.
It is hard to talk about this with my mom. She isn't good at sharing information or talking with everybody. She'll talk to me but it can't be when others are around and can hear. I don't want her to breakdown so I try to accommodate that. My dad isn't a conversationalist anymore. It is hard to talk to him because he is so withdrawn now. I took my mom to an eye appointment and my dad and I waited in the car due to covid restrictions. We drove around a bit but he either wouldn't respond to questions or just brush it off "Oh, I don't know".
He still likes to play card games. So we did that a lot at Christmas. He would get confused and not play cards when he could have or miss his turn, stuff that a person without dementia can be prone to do from time to time, but we'd let it be.
His likes and dislikes of foods has changed. He never ate pizza, fish or chocolate before. Sometimes he remembers, but not often and he'll wind up eating those things because my mom wants to have those things and he'll eat them now.
It's just weird and hard. I still have my dad... but I don't.
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