Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community - View Single Post - Dealing with parents dealing with Dementia

Buff · 09-22-2022, 10:21 AM

Things, as in all cases, have been slowly progressing downhill with my Dad's dementia. My parents are in their mid 80s and living in a condo and my dad voluntarily gave up driving without even talking about it. He would make wrong turns or go to the wrong places sometimes. One day my parents went for a drive and he just went to the passenger door. My mom was quick to pick up on that and she drove. He never tried to drive after that. He just knew that he couldn't do it anymore so she got him an ID card and didn't renew his license.

I'm a bit lucky with my dad. He knows he has dementia and isn't frustrated or quick tempered like you hear many dementia patients becoming. However he is very withdrawn and not always communicative. He can dress and bathe himself. He can feed himself. He can walk just fine. He hasn't lost a much of his motor skills at all aside from general expectations of being old. His mental capacity is very diminished however. He gets confused easy, does weird things and is quite juvenile in his behavior. He tries to help my mom with things like putting away groceries but has no clue where to put things... this drives my mom crazy! Other things like being non communicative also drives my mom crazy. For nearly 60 years he has been a very calming influence for my mom and that is all gone. She gets stressed really easy and frustrated with him very easy too. As a result her health is suffering and the doctors have determined that many of her symptoms are all stress related. She has lost all patience and is constantly not feeling well and always upset. Due to this she too isn't the same person and her behavior has been taking it's toll on me too.

In spite of my dad being able to live in the condo with my mom, my mom isn't able to have him live in the condo with her. She is no longer mentally capable of caring for him so we've initiated the process to have him placed in a dementia cottage. I think she is torn about doing this but she also knows he is the reason why she is having so much anxiety. I'm torn too because in his current state a person with dementia should be able to stay with their spouse, but my mom's mental health is so bad now and it's taking a lot of my time caring for her... she doesn't seem to care that I have a full-time job, a wife and three kids too. Something needs to be done. I hope the dementia cottage helps.

09-22-2022, 10:21 AM	#55
Buff Franchise Player Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: I don't belong here Exp:	Things, as in all cases, have been slowly progressing downhill with my Dad's dementia. My parents are in their mid 80s and living in a condo and my dad voluntarily gave up driving without even talking about it. He would make wrong turns or go to the wrong places sometimes. One day my parents went for a drive and he just went to the passenger door. My mom was quick to pick up on that and she drove. He never tried to drive after that. He just knew that he couldn't do it anymore so she got him an ID card and didn't renew his license. I'm a bit lucky with my dad. He knows he has dementia and isn't frustrated or quick tempered like you hear many dementia patients becoming. However he is very withdrawn and not always communicative. He can dress and bathe himself. He can feed himself. He can walk just fine. He hasn't lost a much of his motor skills at all aside from general expectations of being old. His mental capacity is very diminished however. He gets confused easy, does weird things and is quite juvenile in his behavior. He tries to help my mom with things like putting away groceries but has no clue where to put things... this drives my mom crazy! Other things like being non communicative also drives my mom crazy. For nearly 60 years he has been a very calming influence for my mom and that is all gone. She gets stressed really easy and frustrated with him very easy too. As a result her health is suffering and the doctors have determined that many of her symptoms are all stress related. She has lost all patience and is constantly not feeling well and always upset. Due to this she too isn't the same person and her behavior has been taking it's toll on me too. In spite of my dad being able to live in the condo with my mom, my mom isn't able to have him live in the condo with her. She is no longer mentally capable of caring for him so we've initiated the process to have him placed in a dementia cottage. I think she is torn about doing this but she also knows he is the reason why she is having so much anxiety. I'm torn too because in his current state a person with dementia should be able to stay with their spouse, but my mom's mental health is so bad now and it's taking a lot of my time caring for her... she doesn't seem to care that I have a full-time job, a wife and three kids too. Something needs to be done. I hope the dementia cottage helps.