Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community - View Single Post - Dealing with parents dealing with Dementia

MolsonInBothHands · 01-13-2022, 03:42 PM

Wow CC, thank you for posting this, the timing for me is on point, and I am choking back tears. I have been an angry emotional mess for weeks.

The similarities between your experiences and what my family is experiencing right now is overwhelming, and I think you are handling it better than I.

My Mom will be 69 in April. She has always had a bit of a ditsy blonde side to her, but has been a warm hearted matriarch who loves her grandchildren to death, and her favorite past time has a
been pulling anybody who dared on tubes behind her boat on Kootenay Lake. We lovingly called her 'The Tubinator'.

The past year or so, my siblings and I have noticed more forgetfulness, more repetive questions, more confusion. Mom has other conditions that seem to steer one towards Dementia further. She suffers from paralysing depression that keeps her in bed all day. She has severe insomnia and is on Ambien (at 4 times the recommended dosage for a person her age) as well as another med that I can't recall, but has some scary side effects like sleep walking, sleep eating, etc. She has sleep apnea, and has also been over weight most of her life. All of these contribute toward late onset Alzheimer's apparently.

During a sleep walking episode, she fell down the stairs at their Kootenay Lake cabin, which is inaccessible to emergency responders, it's beyond remote. Her husband found her bleeding and unconscious, for who knows how long. He took her to Creston himself, then onto Cranbrook (no ambulances available) for a head CT. Confirmed a severe concussion and brain bleed.

This magnified the symptoms that were already there 10 fold. It has been 3 months since the fall, and there is little improvement. She confuses timing of events, confuses pics of people. She thought a picture my daughter posted of my grandson was me. She thought a picture of my niece was herself. She is overwhelmed at normal tasks, can't pack a suitcase, etc. She didn't take her boat out once last season, this was before the fall.

My siblings and I made the decision to approach my stepdad and my mom, and get some cognitive testing done, and urge her to see an internal medicine specialist. We were told an internalist could begin deciphering what is due to head injury, the meds, the depression, the dementia.

My step dad, when not around my mom seems willing to do anything needed to get her help, but when push comes to shove, mom wears the pants, and he backs down. He has made comments to my younger sister (his daughter) that he has been reduced to being a full time caregiver.

I would have thought he would be thankful for the assistance we are trying to get her, but he undermines every move. He down plays symptoms to the doctor, and cancels appoinments when Mom throws fits from bed.

My stepdad's behavior has perplexed all of us, and I got very angry. I blasted both of them in a family chat when I heard they cancelled an appointment we had been waiting on for a month. We haven't spoken since. My mom is now pissed at the 'back channel' discussions, and her husband continues to enable her and is not qualified to oversee the weening off the sleep meds.

I see it as his decisions are directly effecting the amount of life she may have left, and the quality and lucidity of that time. I ask myself, who could live with themselves if they didn't try everything possible to slow the progression of her illness? I just get angrier as I see them squander time.

They are currently trying to get to Hawaii for month long trip. They have convinced themselves that some fun and sun will be the miracle that revives her. We are petrified at the notion of her snorkelling in her condition. Yesterday he tested positive for omicronn, so their trip, and any chance of resuming diagnosis and treatment gets delayed with it.

Needless to say, your post floored me today.

Meanwhile, my wife's parents, both 80+ have had surgeries through the holidays. Her Dad (open heart dual valve replacemt) is still in the hospital with very low BP and post op delirium. He loops the conversation every 10 minutes and has no idea why he can't go home, and gets himself terrified in the evenings. COVID protocols make my wife the only person who can visit, and we have her mom staying with us while she recovers from having her carotid reemed of plaque.

My wife and I are ready to get off this ride.

Sorry for the rant, but the pressure control valve is ready to blow.

I am in dire need of some counselling, I am literally getting consumed by anger and hopelessness.

01-13-2022, 03:42 PM	#12
MolsonInBothHands First Line Centre Join Date: Aug 2002 Exp:	Wow CC, thank you for posting this, the timing for me is on point, and I am choking back tears. I have been an angry emotional mess for weeks. The similarities between your experiences and what my family is experiencing right now is overwhelming, and I think you are handling it better than I. My Mom will be 69 in April. She has always had a bit of a ditsy blonde side to her, but has been a warm hearted matriarch who loves her grandchildren to death, and her favorite past time has a been pulling anybody who dared on tubes behind her boat on Kootenay Lake. We lovingly called her 'The Tubinator'. The past year or so, my siblings and I have noticed more forgetfulness, more repetive questions, more confusion. Mom has other conditions that seem to steer one towards Dementia further. She suffers from paralysing depression that keeps her in bed all day. She has severe insomnia and is on Ambien (at 4 times the recommended dosage for a person her age) as well as another med that I can't recall, but has some scary side effects like sleep walking, sleep eating, etc. She has sleep apnea, and has also been over weight most of her life. All of these contribute toward late onset Alzheimer's apparently. During a sleep walking episode, she fell down the stairs at their Kootenay Lake cabin, which is inaccessible to emergency responders, it's beyond remote. Her husband found her bleeding and unconscious, for who knows how long. He took her to Creston himself, then onto Cranbrook (no ambulances available) for a head CT. Confirmed a severe concussion and brain bleed. This magnified the symptoms that were already there 10 fold. It has been 3 months since the fall, and there is little improvement. She confuses timing of events, confuses pics of people. She thought a picture my daughter posted of my grandson was me. She thought a picture of my niece was herself. She is overwhelmed at normal tasks, can't pack a suitcase, etc. She didn't take her boat out once last season, this was before the fall. My siblings and I made the decision to approach my stepdad and my mom, and get some cognitive testing done, and urge her to see an internal medicine specialist. We were told an internalist could begin deciphering what is due to head injury, the meds, the depression, the dementia. My step dad, when not around my mom seems willing to do anything needed to get her help, but when push comes to shove, mom wears the pants, and he backs down. He has made comments to my younger sister (his daughter) that he has been reduced to being a full time caregiver. I would have thought he would be thankful for the assistance we are trying to get her, but he undermines every move. He down plays symptoms to the doctor, and cancels appoinments when Mom throws fits from bed. My stepdad's behavior has perplexed all of us, and I got very angry. I blasted both of them in a family chat when I heard they cancelled an appointment we had been waiting on for a month. We haven't spoken since. My mom is now pissed at the 'back channel' discussions, and her husband continues to enable her and is not qualified to oversee the weening off the sleep meds. I see it as his decisions are directly effecting the amount of life she may have left, and the quality and lucidity of that time. I ask myself, who could live with themselves if they didn't try everything possible to slow the progression of her illness? I just get angrier as I see them squander time. They are currently trying to get to Hawaii for month long trip. They have convinced themselves that some fun and sun will be the miracle that revives her. We are petrified at the notion of her snorkelling in her condition. Yesterday he tested positive for omicronn, so their trip, and any chance of resuming diagnosis and treatment gets delayed with it. Needless to say, your post floored me today. Meanwhile, my wife's parents, both 80+ have had surgeries through the holidays. Her Dad (open heart dual valve replacemt) is still in the hospital with very low BP and post op delirium. He loops the conversation every 10 minutes and has no idea why he can't go home, and gets himself terrified in the evenings. COVID protocols make my wife the only person who can visit, and we have her mom staying with us while she recovers from having her carotid reemed of plaque. My wife and I are ready to get off this ride. Sorry for the rant, but the pressure control valve is ready to blow. I am in dire need of some counselling, I am literally getting consumed by anger and hopelessness. __________________ "Cammy just threw them in my locker & told me to hold on to them." - Giordano on the pencils from Iggy's stall.