Quote:
Originally Posted by Buff
We have struggled for over a year with the Home Care nurse. She didn't think my dad needed care because she said my mom can take care of him. She didn't seem to believe us or understand that my mom's anxiety was taking a major toll on her. Their doctor kept telling my mom that he can make it happen but the Home Care nurse kept denying it.
I think the Home Care nurse finally talked to my parent's doctor because we had my dad re-assessed last week and she said she would talk to her team but because he can dress himself (but needs to be told to) and he can shower himself (but needs to be told to - and we don't know exactly what he does in there) that he doesn't require care because my mom can cook, clean and do laundry. So we gave up hope and were going to wait until my mom started to need to dress him.
I got the call today that my dad is approved to be moved to a Dementia Care Cottage!
Now we have to get the ball rolling on choosing a place and applying for financial supports to make it easier for my mom. Exciting and nervous times ahead! I'm excited to take this stress away from my mom but worried how she'll cope with being alone... I guess she's practically been alone the last year since my dad is just a shell now but not having to constantly worry about him may really hit home that she's alone. How long will this last until she needs to move? She is in her 80s and has been going through a lot the last few years.... but finally something is happening to help her out!
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I'm glad you got the assessment done again, its a big step in getting a parent at least into the system. We had tremendous trouble getting that done because my Dad fought us all the way on it.
I just want to restate, the primary care giver (your mom) has probably suffered a great deal of trauma, and anxiety, its important to remember that going forward. That first days, weeks month when a long time couple is separated is really painful, I dealt with 2 suicide attempts by Dad and a disappearance.
The next round of trauma then happens as the dementia suffering slides. It happened to mom fairly quickly in memory care, and it really traumatized Dad to the point where he made up reasons to blame the family for her condition, and make up reasons to refuse to see Mom "She hates me", "She's cheating on me in there".
Sadly, and this is going to sound callous, but Mom finally dying really helped Dad recover and put things away, and though he's much better now, we've had him evaluated for Dementia, and he's showing severe and rapid signs of it.