Maybe not one of my favourite performers (he's very odd), but one of the best at two-liners is Emo Philips, author of quips like:
Wonen like courtesy on a date. I got in trouble once; I didn't open the car door for her. Instead, I just swam for the surface.
I found our cat the other day. I would have found him a week ago, but we have a grass bag on our lawnmower.
Worth a look if you're unfamiliar with him. I think he's also where emos originated.
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