Current level would be 3, heading into 4 lol
I missed so much in this thread, it took forever to catch up, so I will address some things I seen with what my thoughts are.
I was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago as an adult when I was in therapy and said "yeah I might have add" and she just said "WHAT, you ever never diagnosed? you are the definition of it" so that lead to learning more and reading. Not on medication but partially self medicate with the reefers.
As for my level of 3/4, recently my mother passed away. Was not sudden in one sense as I have been waiting for the call for a long time now but still a shock to the system. How I feel about it is what lowers my level, according to the world I should be more distraught but I look at it just as a nuisance. I have a real weird way to look at death now and while internally I feel fine, trying to explain how I feel is exhausting as everyone is worried about me, but also feel that I am bottling it up.
The reason for my outlook honestly revolves around the amount of death I have seen throughout my life, therapy, religious philosophy (I am not religious but read a lot) and then add in heavy HEAVY doses of psychedelics which has lead me where before I would have been on the atheist side of things, but now I would lean on the spiritual side since I couldn't tell you exactly what is at play so call it the universe, god, Brahman, the simulation theory, crystals, astrology, multiple dimensions... I don't know
So while I greatly miss her, it does not upset me as I know nothing of this world (Maya) is permanent or necessarily reality but that leads to guilt as I feel I should be reacting in a different way based on a lifetime of seeing how people react when someone dies.
TLDR: I did so much DMT that I am not as sad as I think I should be about my mother passing because Brahman told me the world is temporary and there is nothing to worry about, so I battle guilt based in my own mind and question my sanity.
Dark Humour time - when I called the funeral parlour I introduced myself as the following "Hey there I am _______, I think you might have something that belongs to me" and there was just silence on the other end of the phone....
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