[Titan2]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

I look at the way I grew up and compare it to my kids and I was much further ahead than my kids. I did get access to a Gameboy in Elementary school which I played a lot, but honestly speaking, the thing I truly believe to be a far bigger issue... Activities/actions/tasks per minute have doubled, tripled, quadrupled, quintupled from 10-20 years ago.

TL;DR rant in spoiler tags

Spoiler!

My wife and I agree certain aspects of childhood activities are completely out of control. Our kids are enrolled in activities and we've agreed we don't want to overload them like other kids who have curated childhoods and are in literally 3-4x more activities per month from like 5AM to 9PM before grade 3 (ie: Hockey, Kumon, music, second language, swimming, cycling, martial arts, other arts/STEM programs, racing etc.). Some kids love that, and it's fine. But other kids are so obviously exhausted with parents bitching about the time commitments and costs... no thank you, I'm not copying that. Sometimes I wonder if someone looked at the concept of ADHD and said, "Modern problems require modern solutions".

I think I've mentioned it before but it's crazy to me that I see elementary school kids complain about boredom, show symptoms of ennui and have insane levels of learned helplessness or bubble wrapped to the point of inexplicable cluelessness. The online environment and day to day environment don't help, but honestly speaking, it's a lot of the caregivers to the kids that are unknowingly inflicting a lot of this on the kids. Lots of good intentions but unintentionally causes lots of problems by forcing a lifestyle of rapid stop and go vs cruising through life at a good pace.

This isn't just kids, it's hugely adults. Adults control the world, not the kids. Many adults don't seem to notice it either at how much higher of an activities per minute they are at. Notifications on a phone is what most will point at, but strip away the phone and there's still plenty to point at.

For instance, as a kid, I'd frequently nap and rest when bored. The amount of people these days I've heard express an opinion about how napping is a waste of time... should do something like meditation or exercise instead... even adults have serious problems with silence, stillness and darkness.

I honestly believe that one of the things I struggle with figuring out how to teach my kids, is literally a symptom of a serious issue across all of society. We have to attach some type of equipment to the activities we do or it pointless.

Can't do #### without paparazziing it and posting it. You're a weirdo if you cloud watch or star gaze without equipment. Observe the natural world, count cars etc. without a specific objective in mind... well, you might be up to no good... fill that time with something.

For a lack of a better term, I've really tried "dumbing down" my kids childhood, sometimes to the chagrin of others. We do what most others are doing, but attempt to balance it out by taking them into the back yard to collect lady bugs, maxing out the sidewalk chalk, taking them on walks at Nosehill and attempting to identify plants, camp fire and roasting marshmellows (more like making flaming projectiles, but alas), meal prep, baking, bike rides, reading in stupid voices, blanket forts/floor vent saunas, urban exploration where we just hop on transit with the kids and slowly explore vs rush to a location in our vehicle, getting out in the world but learning how to identify the line between safe and danger, teaching the one child better at one skill to teach that skill to someone who isn't as good as them (A challenge because the older is just better at everything the younger one is right now) etc.

In a few years, I plan on teaching them basic cooking like baking or ice cream or dehydration or instant noodles etc.; advanced crafts and "construction" like real tools and raw materials but not one of those Home Depot kits... pure skill building, logic and imagination; I'll get them to start writing their own stories, making their own board games, typing lessons, beat boxing/ventriloquism, another language/ASL, home talent shows with friends to work on stage fright and presentations, music, spontaneous science experiments, volunteering at places like RMH/Childrens/retirement homes/food bank/soup kitchens etc. I seriously am super excited for this stage where I can give them only a wee bit of guidance and a nudge and see them figure things out, solve problems and confusion and accomplish things on their own rather than have to do most of it in very guided and hand held activities like right now.

It's not like I'm digging deep and saying, "Screw modern society. In my day..." Lots of these activities are modernized in episodes of the Bluey series, but IMO many parents are kinda missing the ethos of what makes Bluey great in being curious, relaxed, hardworking... and although the ethos applies to the kids, I'm talking the parents, not the kids.

I spoke with another parent a few weeks ago about the world our kids will grow up in. They have two kids with developmental disabilities. One thing we discussed was what was considered a luxurious lifestyle for a kid in the 80s/90s and what is considered a luxurious lifestyle for a kid now. Many of the things average kids have access to now put them in the ultra rich lifestyles of the 80s/90s. When I was a kid (<highschool), many toys did not exist and were expensive even if you had the money. Digital devices were considered a very expensive luxury for adults let alone being ubiquitous now. Many kids/adults received functional gifts for special occasions or sometimes nothing vs getting what they need nearly immediately.

I honestly wonder if many kids are already feeling the burden of having too many things such as toys, activities or otherwise. That's why they're exhausted or show ennui, stress and boredom at such a young age.

Sorry for the blah. It's been eating away at me. I am just doing things, I don't have an answer, I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong... I just know that many other things I've tried don't seem to have worked. My wife and I have planned to simplify but also look at ourselves and take care of ourselves first. We aim not to let ourselves orbit our children vs the other way around. If we falter or continue down a path of being a poor example, our kids are totally screwed. The world won't want to take care of them like we want to take care of them.

Again, I think this is one of the reasons you are my favourite poster.

It is incredible that you are thinking about this, and the range of activities you are doing with your kid is amazing. It sounds like you are doing an excellent job. Remember, the number one thing you can give your kids is your intentional time. That is the most important thing. Just keep exposing them to things and they will latch onto something which tweaks their interest. It takes time and effort but is well worth it.

Three thoughts I had about your post. One, have you considered getting them into coding? I realize it is screen time but it is productive, can be fun, and may even start training them for a career.

Two, from your description, you kid may have a form of Attention Deficit Disorder. I know it may be seen as trendy but if they are ADD, it is waaaaay better to find out now that at 55 like I was. I had my kid tested at 19 and here life has turned around because of the interventions that has resulted from the diagnosis. The best book I have read on ADD is called Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. He absolutely nailed my experience, which I also see reflected in what you are saying about your kid. There are also a lot of online resources you can use to see if any of the behaviours may be applicable to your kid.

Three, you say some of the things you want to do he is too young for. It sounds like he is advanced and may well enjoy challenging things. I built a birdhouse with my kid when she was about 5. All of the activities you mention can be done with varying degrees of participation from the kid. Don't forget, the time is the critical part and exposing him to 'real' things may make him feel important, grown up and capable. I would avoid the trap of 'when he gets to this stage we can do that thing.' You can do those things now to introduce him to them and finding safe ways he can participate and maybe do the things you enjoy a bit more.

I think you are better than most parents and are doing a great job, based on what you have told us. You may be a giant liar, but I don't think so.