Quote:
Originally Posted by PepsiFree
At the start it sometimes helped to verbalize it (more like muttering it to yourself) because it felt a bit more like I wasn’t just offering a competing thought but the “real” me was in control when the competing thought wasn’t enough. The period of having to do that was pretty short in the grand scheme of things.
Now it’s barely even internal monologue. The negative stuff is more like an occasional heckling from someone at the back of the crowd when you’re in the middle of thinking. It’s there, but I don’t necessarily “hear” the negative unless I pause and give it focus. And if I do it’s easy to shut down or make like of, I can joke about it and give it time and still feel in control.
It’s a dumb example but I can joke about killing myself over something stupid and it’s just a bad taste joke. When I was a teenager that joke would’ve been followed with “well… maybe…”
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Agreed - whenever I say something so clearly bonkers, I almost laugh at myself. I treat it like a joke. Sometimes you can't choose to have those negative thoughts, they just pop into your head, but you can choose to give them weight.