[McG]

Mavi diary - day 34

Dear diary. Today has been coming for a while now. I scheduled and met with the accountant for fiscal year end of Lauren’s businesses. I’ve gone ahead and done it…met at 9:30. By 9:45, I had signed a brand new $25 million 1 year contract with the oilers.

The accountant showed me how much the bar was losing. I had to lock in my contract now otherwise Lenard was at risk of getting some cheap dog food. He’d never stand for that.

I phoned Leon to tell him that I was making almost as much money in one year as he was in two.

People think that it’s easy being me. Just showing up and letting my electric personality take over the room, the concert, or the Amazon Prime show. It’s hard being me because I’m not just a hockey player, I’m also the co-owner of a house design company, a bar, a furniture store, and a clothing shop.

I’ve helped with the design of gear by growing; I now support two colours. 1) Sweatpants grey, and 2) Beige. I feel that’s only fair to expand my range and express myself as Lauren did with our two tone house.

===

Bad news diary. I just got off the phone with Leon. He says that I actually signed a two year deal for $25 million. I knew I should have stuck with one colour. Now everything’s messed up.

I immediately phoned Emperor Nerostan to say that there was a mistake and could I please have my contract back. He said sorry that he had already spent that on a 7 year $7 million per year contract on another defenceman…seriously I said to him…$49 million US on another dman? Like how many do we need?

I told Nerostan that no one would believe that deal. He was sorry but said that we could tell everyone that I was a great guy and only took a small amount of money. He said that he would use the Oilers draft picks and depth to deliver in the next 2 seasons. I told him that I could have signed for any team for $12.5 million, literally any team. Nerostan said that he was really happy to have me back but I’m not.

Already Brad called to tell me that there were no more free pizzas.

Leon called and told me that he was worth more to the oilers, for longer, than me.

Lenard barked at me when I went to give him his veggie burger dinner.

My network Sportsnet called me to thank me for not buying TSN.

Wormy called and offered to console my mom in person for this mistake.

Hmmm…I wonder if I could get some of the licensing and likeness fees from the 50/50.

I have to run Diary. Ron Maclean wants to do a special on how I plan to save humanity when I just saved the oilers from Armageddon.

I don’t even know diary if I can afford the pens to write to you. My take home pay literally just shrank.

Tearfully yours Diary.