[McG]

Mavi Diary - Day 26

Dear diary. I’m mad. My posse including my medical team that travel with me advised that literally nothing is happening on signing players for the oilers. I’m speechless a bit more than usual.

To make matters worse, I keep reading that I’m going to take a hometown discount. And in addition, I’m going to sign for 4 years to maximize my salary. Here’s an idea, how do you spell “max” in numbers? Apparently I’m doing this to help the Oilers get better, but that’s GM Stan’s job, and my job is to make the Oilers better myself. I’m one day closer to an actual hometown discount which would literally be for the leafs in my hometown.

I’m stunned because obviously people have no idea what it’s like to be me. Trove bar, Lauren’s clothing line, Lauren’s design firm, and my self snow melting driveway don’t pay for themselves you know. What are these people thinking? It’s not even their money.

My medical series on Sportsnet which starred me and detailed health miracles has given me some ideas for future shows. I saw how good Leon looked in his cigarette dangling picture, and he even had his matching sliders on (!), and I’m thinking about a love island show. I’m going to partner with Leon and we can strategize and vote the wives off. They have started talking about how much fun travelling together is and now they want to come on road trips with the team. That’s a hard no because we talk about strategy and I get to look at Leon for just a few more minutes.

I’m thinking about a cooking show and Leon can wear that sexy onesie from his commercials. We will end the show with me telling people to dig in…right effing now. That’s because shows have time limits and someone else needs the studio so people should eat what I made them.

Another show I’m going to call “Crossovers”. You might think that it’s about me doing other jobs, but in reality it’s just going to be me showing my crossovers in other industries. I’m going to show how fast I can crossover as a waiter and only spill a little soup because of how fast I go and my hand eye coordination. Dogs will love how fast I can get through their route due to my speed when I dog walk them.

“HIStory with me, Connor” will be Ron Maclean talking for 30 minutes straight about me. This will be easy because we’ll just record Sportsnet from the previous week.

I’m off now as Leon is going to teach me how to smoke and skinny dip! We might be able to sell this to HBO!

Later diary!