Quote:
Originally Posted by V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan
I hate that I have struggles with finding motivation to keep living in this world every day.
I’ve stopped feeling motivated to get out of bed.
I’ve stopped giving a crap about my future with the whole pharmacy thing.
Probably because I throughly despise studying and taking all these dumb tests and exams that cost too much money.
It’s frustrating that I have to continue this vicious cycle of impressing everyone (my increasingly insufferable parents, my tutors, etc.)
Mental health is ruining me and everything around me.
I’ve asked my uncle (a doctor) to write up requisitions for psychiatrists to prescribe me antidepressants but no response.
My life keeps circling the drains and all I’m doing is delaying my inevitable downfall…
FYI for context a few minutes before I made this post, I got into another argument with my mom regarding my motivation to improve in time for PEBC exam this May. She accused me of abusing the long weekend for breaks when I should be grinding to study constantly. She even victim-shamed acting like I’m using my mental health problems as an excuse to slack off. I’m starting to think I’m just a parasite to this world and that people would be more happy if I’m not around…
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This is going to be one of those "easy to say, very hard to act on" statements... but you don't need to impress anybody, and there is a lifetime of satisfaction on the other side of that statement. Getting there is no simple task and I'm not saying a basic reframe is all you need, but maybe just admitting that this isn't true might be a doable first step.
My apologies if this has already been asked, but how old are you? Is getting away from your parents a feasible option here? She sounds like a boat anchor you don't realize is welded around your neck.
You say things like it's hard to find motivation to keep going, getting out of bed, or finding anything in your career aspirations. To that I would ask: how could
anyone find any of those things if they're experiencing constant stress and shame? You're trying to light a fire in a downpour and blaming yourself for it not working.
So the simple/extremely hard solution here seems to be you need to get away from your mother. Whether that's in the cards or not I don't know. The trajectory with her in your life is potentially fatal, so I don't see how any other option isn't better.