Part 3 another down turn another reason for pessimism
I hate that I have struggles with finding motivation to keep living in this world every day.
I’ve stopped feeling motivated to get out of bed.
I’ve stopped giving a crap about my future with the whole pharmacy thing.
Probably because I throughly despise studying and taking all these dumb tests and exams that cost too much money.
It’s frustrating that I have to continue this vicious cycle of impressing everyone (my increasingly insufferable parents, my tutors, etc.)
Mental health is ruining me and everything around me.
I’ve asked my uncle (a doctor) to write up requisitions for psychiatrists to prescribe me antidepressants but no response.
My life keeps circling the drains and all I’m doing is delaying my inevitable downfall…
FYI for context a few minutes before I made this post, I got into another argument with my mom regarding my motivation to improve in time for PEBC exam this May. She accused me of abusing the long weekend for breaks when I should be grinding to study constantly. She even victim-shamed acting like I’m using my mental health problems as an excuse to slack off. I’m starting to think I’m just a parasite to this world and that people would be more happy if I’m not around…
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