[Locke]

So...this kid comes into my office with his parents, they're here to get their taxes done...but I know this child. He is a Monster!*

He killed my High Score on my Star Wars ATARI game last year. It took me a while to get that back.

But this child was hell-bent on vengeance. You could see the pure malice in his eyes. I knew what he was up to. He had woken up this morning and chosen violence.

The little bastard once again beat my high score. I have to admit, the damned kid is good. He's got 'ATARI game' and a bit of a lip on him for 12 years old, as one might expect from a filthy Arsenal fan.

And then...and THEN! His parents had the absolute gall to ask me to help Coach his soccer team!! Can you imagine??

I might take them up on it just so that I can legally and routinely be mean to him.

"No one told you to stop running!"

You may defeat me at ATARI Star Wars ya little punk but you're not going to beat me at soccer! Keep it up and someone is going to be playing goalie...

And next year there will probably be a Star Wars and Arsenal 'Premium' on your parents' Tax Bill....

*Child is not actually a monster, despite being an Arsenal fan he's a pretty cool kid.