Whew... big update Vinny. Good to hear from you again, I was worried dude.
A few thoughts...
- You interjected on calling yourself a mean word, on your own. This is REALLY big. Good job, keep that up.
- You've been diagnosed with a developmental delay. This is the beginning of getting to where you want to be. Sure, it might "take longer", and might not be the same path you were hoping for in life pre-Dx... but you can still write a story you love and can get there. This is YOUR life, not your mom's. Her judgements do not get to decide if you have worth or gifts to offer. You are worthy, and you do have gifts to offer. You have yet to meet everyone that will love you, or benefit from having known you.
- You've come back to share and ask for help, again. Makes me feel awesome that you have this place as an outlet and support.
- Late Dx can come with a lot of weird mourning as you learn more about the condition and connect dots in hindsight. That "I hate myself" song is going to play a lot as you work through this, but the funny thing is that I think going through it is the only way totally OUT of it. My previous advice still applies here.
- Developmental delays are highly heritable. One or both of your parents have a high probability of also having undiagnosed conditions. This means they will also struggle to self-regulate, or model behaviours that will help you manage the deficiencies. You've reached the stage where you need to start providing the parenting that you've always needed, but never received, to yourself. I know that sounds messed up and impossible, but... it's the main playbook and entirely possible.
- Rejection sensitivity and cPTSD are very real for NDs. Hearing that from your own mom is devastating, and the exact kind of thing that generates RSD/cPTSD in the first place. Just consider that she might have the same condition, or worse, and that those words are coming from a place that you do not need to hear from or visit. Protect yourself, that is abuse. You may need to go no-contact with her for your own well-being in the future if SHE can't get her S together.
... as for the exam.
Looks like the PEBC allows for accommodations on the oral exam for people with disabilities.
Requesting Exam Accommodations - PEBC
It seems like there is one form you fill out as the test writer, and a second form that you will need to get your doctor to fill out in support.
I was offered help from an occupational therapist out of the NW Mental Health Clinic a while back. She said she could help with things like figuring out admin and filling out forms for things like this. I couldn't really use her, but I'd be happy to ask her how you could connect with someone like her if you think you might need help figuring out how to get this accommodation. Hell, I will help you fill these things out if you think you could use a hand.
The thing is that there are people like us out there. We need to use pharmacies too. There is an extreme lack of understanding of these conditions broadly in the medical system. It's an oasis when you finally do encounter someone who gets it. Your unique perspective and experiences can make you an even more compassionate and effective pharmacist, especially for patients like us, who get crapped on everywhere in life just for being what we are, even from our own parents!
It would be pretty rad to have a pharmacist who is also ND, and can help treat me as a person with ND.
It would be pretty rad to bring my ND kid to a pharmacist and show them "see, you can still make something of yourself and help a lot of people doing it."
My very limited research on this leads me to believe Pharmacists are a profession that value diversity, including neurodiversity, because they offer these accommodations during testing AND in practice. This stuff can be out there. No, it is not special treatment. They're tools to help you demonstrate your true capabilities, to give your gifts.
Find role models. People like Temple Grandin, Karen Shuman, Sandeep Jauhar, Ben Goldacre. All practicing physicians who are ND to different degrees and SWEAR that could not have had the success they have had without their unique minds.
Definitely, keep going. The world does need you, and we believe in you!