Don't use the r word. Don't beat yourself up more than others try to. I'm on the spectrum as well (adhd too) and the latter was an extreme disservice to my adult development, always fighting against it. But you cannot beat yourself up and don't put stock into voices that drag you down. You've got a good respectful job and are continuing to work on yourself. No one should criticize you for that.
It's unfortunate the voice being so critical is a voice that is a strong bond but you need to be an ally to yourself not another defeatist. Eveyone else has mentioned mental health etc so I wanted to hit on that point.
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MMF is the tough as nails cop that "plays by his own rules". The force keeps suspending him when he crosses the line but he keeps coming back and then cracks a big case.
-JiriHrdina
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