Can't speak for anyone else but for me the separation was grim, we had no rules and so it was just endless fighting, it got way easier once we got lawyers and went to court, basically nothing to fight about after that, the court set the rules.
I didn't argue about possessions, pretty much let the ex have most of them, dug in on custody and guardianship, 50/50 on both, happily paid child support but again dug in over alimony (child support is limited, alimony is forever)
Saw my kid every other day, if only to just meet her for lunch, never ever badmouthed my ex to my kid ever no matter how much of a crazy cow she was (and she was and is crazier than a #### house rat), dated but never introduced my girlfriends to my kid, kid time was sacred.
Ex is now going through another divorce, making my daughters life hell frankly and I had to be the good dad and let my kid invite her to my house for thanksgiving, now I have my ex texting me maudlin 'where did it go wrong?' texts and I bite my lip and don't text back 'well I married a bat #### crazy nutbar!'
It's all about being a good dad, nothing else matters, that's your loadstar
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