That you care enough to worry about this means you won't be a sh*t dad. The dad you're worried about being is the promise-to-show-up-to-the-big-game-and-doesn't dad, and you're clearly not that.
Losing that 100% time with them is legit though, and I'm sorry. I think a ton of relationships rot on the vine for this reason entirely. Sucks.
I realize the quote "do it or don't, you'll regret both" sounds pretty pessimistic, but really you're between a rock and a hard place. Neither direction is particularly great here, but divorce might be the lesser of two evils.
My ears perk up whenever somebody starts predicting the future. Humans are far worse at that than we think we are. It's very easy to come up with a story where this divorce ruins your kid and maybe you just suffer through it and it all works out. It's way too difficult to play that game though.
I heard a great tip from a divorce lawyer on a podcast: no matter how much you hate your ex... even if she did the most heinous stuff imaginable to you... on holidays that involve gifts (mother's Day, birthdays, christmas etc), you take your kid out and give them money to buy a present for the other parent. Kids want to gift things to their parents but can't, and it's harder when there's fighting. Apparently he put that into every separation agreement he's ever made and it's the #1 thing that gets cut out by the other party.
It definitely happens successfully. I know a guy who split up with his wife, they sold the house and bought a couple townhomes in the same area so the kid could walk between houses. They're far better friends and parent partners than romantic partners.
|