Quote:
Originally Posted by 8sPOT
Find myself single once again, after a 4 year relationship, but now in my 40's. Prior breakups I was always feeling desperate, hopeless, completely alone and just sad.
I'm about 3 months into it, but for a variety of reasons this time I feel super optimistic and even excited.
Through reading books, therapy, and talking with close friends I had an epiphany of sorts. Where I finally understood how being 'too nice' has been a real issue for my relationships.
Long story short, I am generally a super optimistic person, even blindly optimistic. I'm able to delay gratification indefinitely. Because of that, its always been really easy for me to put my partners needs before mine, all the time. I thought that by always being laid back and not needing anything that I was being the best husband/boyfriend in the world. I had it all completely backwards, I was not setting any boundaries at all, and eventually my partners just take that as me not having any direction or drive, and essentially being a passenger in life.
|
"Toxic people pleasing" was a big problem for me in my marriage, too. It basically resulted in my waking up one day and realizing I didn't even recognize my own life any more, and it's a big part of why I became a divorcee at 37. Good on you for figuring it out, and while we all wish we'd figured it out sooner, sometimes it takes going through it to finally figure out the problem.