Find myself single once again, after a 4 year relationship, but now in my 40's. Prior breakups I was always feeling desperate, hopeless, completely alone and just sad.
I'm about 3 months into it, but for a variety of reasons this time I feel super optimistic and even excited.
Through reading books, therapy, and talking with close friends I had an epiphany of sorts. Where I finally understood how being 'too nice' has been a real issue for my relationships.
Long story short, I am generally a super optimistic person, even blindly optimistic. I'm able to delay gratification indefinitely. Because of that, its always been really easy for me to put my partners needs before mine, all the time. I thought that by always being laid back and not needing anything that I was being the best husband/boyfriend in the world. I had it all completely backwards, I was not setting any boundaries at all, and eventually my partners just take that as me not having any direction or drive, and essentially being a passenger in life.
Now, I feel I still have my super optimism but by putting my needs first I feel like I'm on this brand new journey. Where its all about my goals and dreams, and being optimistic doesn't mean sitting around assuming things will improve. No action = no change.
Rather than desperately search for a partner, I will work on the things that make me happy and will get me where I wanna be. I'm enjoying my alone time, I'm seeing great progress physically, emotionally, and mentally. Makes me a little sad it took me until the age of 41 to realize any of this. Its still a daily grind, but the progress seems tangible somehow.
Just, for anyone struggling, feeling lost and alone, dont give up. It really is never too late for change and to start becoming the best version of yourself.
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