[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Doctorfever

All my kids have been involved in different travel sports. One quick piece of advice would be to not hold your kid back because you think their sibling won’t get to the same level.

I'm not concerned about my younger son not doing travel ball, he doesn't want to play "regular" team sports either, so he doesn't. It's more that some of the sacrifices involved would be made by him for something that doesn't really benefit him. IE our whole family gives up the trip to Europe for my older one to play travel ball, so he loses out on that opportunity without much upside.

Originally Posted by nfotiu

travel ball was a mix of paid coach models and parent coached ones. I am not a fan of parent coached competitive youth sports, especially as they get a bit older. Having paid coaches that love the sport and care about development over winning some 12 year old championship is a much better environment IMO.

This is a really interesting comment and one I hadn't considered. We had one opposing (parent) coach in the Little League playoffs this year who was totally and completely out of control. I won't describe the situation to avoid identification, but it was ridiculous. The program I'd been considering is a parent/volunteer coached one. The professionally coached programs are more time commitment, both more days per week and farther from our house so more travel time. I'm not really concerned about them being a better path to the majors or whatever, but a focus on development instead of absurd pressure to win is something I definitely prefer. I do think there is value in learning to be a team, working hard, etc. I'll look into some of the professionally coached programs - I'd be willing to pay the money for a better experience.

Originally Posted by GGG

The biggest value in youth sports is the second friend group. There can be stuff happening with your school group and you have a place where that doesn’t matter. Economically you would be better off putting the money in an RESP and you would have a better scholarship fund then you could ever have paying for sports.

So in an ideal world my kids would play the lowest level possible with the least summer time commitments and it has been a nice change dropping from the top level to one level down. Better parents, slightly less competitive coaches, less travel but still have some.

But I don’t think you as a parent should be picking what tier they play in. Playing at a higher level is more time and more stress some kids will strive on that others will be overwhelmed. Playing at a lower level your kid might get board. Some may want 5 days a week of training and limited off seasons others might like 2 or 3. So really it depends on your child and if they keep enjoying it. They should guide the level they are in.

My one child who played tier 1 that dropped down went from loving it to hating it in about half a season. Some coaching and player changes on the team, poor management of issues by the club and a few jackass parents really changed her enjoyment. The day she decided to switch clubs and play a lower level she started enjoying it again. Some of it was real issues and some was in her head. So I think listening and ensuring your kid knows that if they no longer like the commitment they can change after the season.

It does kill vacation time, whatever break your season has is now when your vacation is. Weekend trips disappear and become weekend trips to tournaments so you as a parent need to be willing to live with it. It’s also a money pit.

Injuries are real and the higher the level the more injuries. We had one concussion plus a continuous string of minor ankles, fingers, wrist sprains. Find a physio therapist who knows your sport, get preventative strengthening exercises before the first injury. Communication about what hurt you should play with and what hurt you should come out on is also important.

So definitely has been worth doing but with high level teams you need to watch how your kid is doing physically and mentally.

The money isn't really a big consideration. Like fotze said the economics are terrible, and I'm not looking at it from a scholarship point of view either. But the cost would be affordable if the other factors (friend group, time, etc) make sense. The vacation time is definitely a concern to me - the idea of trading a weekend in New York to a weekend in Medicine Hat is a bummer. For me personally I'm willing to make that trade, but sort of feel bad making that trade for my younger son, who would way rather go to NY Museum of Natural History than Medicine Hat. My older son is super-competitive, and would love to play at a higher level. Right now I feel like it's me holding him back, so your point about the parents not picking the level is well taken.

Originally Posted by jmac98

Spoiler!

Good morning bizaro,

I don’t post much but thought I’d jump in and offer thoughts hopefully to help or add to your discussion.

I have two daughters, 16 and 14. My older daughter is a competitive fastpitch player.

With respect to balance of time and with other siblings, it can definitely be a lot. My daughter plays pretty much every day, and has tournaments every weekend. We have had tournaments this year in Calgary, Edmonton, Lethbridge, Red Deer, Innisfail, Medicine Hat, and a long weekend tournament in Victoria so far this year. There are 3 more tournaments now that my daughter is playing for Team Calgary, and she will represent Alberta in late July in a tournament in Montreal. If they win that, they will represent Canada down in the United States in August.

My other daughter’s biggest interest is bmx biking. She also plays on the school volleyball, basketball and track team, and is also in band. So it’s not as though she doesn’t do anything in her spare time. And we absolutely make nearly 100% of her games and concerts. In a bit of luck, all of her events do not run or conflict with the height of my older daughter’s ball. Ball runs year-round with indoor activity and off season training but it’s not daily nor is it right after school in the off season. So we are able to attend my youngest’s activity and support her as well.

The point where it becomes a bit difficult for myself as a parent is during the ball season itself. My youngest’s activities are ongoing between Sep through to April, but come May she’s completed all her sports and extra curriculars (of which my older daughter also plays school sports and ends around this time), and ball then ramps up to a daily occurrence with my younger daughter no longer having anything on the go. In fairness we have offered to place her into out of school activities at this time but she prefers bmx biking in the summer and is adamant she’s happy in biking as much as she can. It feels though that nearly 100% of our time goes to one child and not the other during ball season, which it kind of does, over a 2-3 month duration wherein our youngest goes to the bike parks with friends while I go all over town nightly for my other daughter. Balanced out over the entire year both children have plenty of activities and plenty of support from us parents but during pockets of time, primarily spring/early summer, it feels out of balance. At least to me.

When they were younger we would bring my younger daughter along to practices and games and bring a frisbee or lawn darts and extra balls and gloves to play catch and buy slurpees or whatever to try and keep her entertained when she was forced to come. She’s now at an age where she can stay home or go out with friends to the pump tracks etc during nightly practice or games. Tournaments she does still have to come. To offset the tournaments though, in advance I find pump tracks or bmx parks at each city and will bring my youngest’s bike, along with a bike my wife will go and participate in so shes not alone. So my youngest got to spend a day in Lethbridge, Med Hat, and one in Innisifail (I think?) at bike parks. In Edmonton I found an indoor bmx centre and she spent the day there as well. She really enjoyed this and it helped make the trips more exciting for her with things to look forward to for herself, no longer just being ‘stuck’ at the diamonds.

So for myself, a little bit of advanced planning really helped make the trip(s) more enjoyable for both my kids. As a parent I do still feel a bit sad in that I feel more hands on and involved with my older daughters ball being in that I played a lot and we practiced a lot over the years and now that she’s 16 she joins my mixed Sunday night league… and I don’t have that same common connection with my younger daughter. I am not a bmx biker and when she was younger I would go to the pump tracks etc and ride around a bit and just be ‘present’, but now that she’s so strong on her bike and has a community of friends in that world I more so just drop her off to the tracks or events. A part of me recognizes that the activities she loves so much are more independent and she’s in her happy place being with her friends and with the biking community and doesn’t exactly need me there any longer nor does she likely miss me being there. She seems quite happy with her events and activities and now when we go to tournaments she also has the ability to bike there as well, and I think it helps with the balance, although I do still carry some emptiness in wanting more of the same connection with her as I do my older. But that might just be a me problem and in needing to learn to feel fulfilled and successful as a parent in ensuring both kids are doing the things they love to which I’m helping them both realize it, just through alternate means.

We will be doing our annual trip to Panorama in a week or so. In that trip as a family we go white water rafting, zip lining, mini golf, rock climbing, atv’ing etc. As well my youngest and my wife do a couple days of downhill mtn biking, which my oldest daughter and I do not do. So this trip is always a nice “togetherness” week where it’s about everyone and family. Not going because of ball or for any other reason than family. It’s also still done in the heart of ball season so breaks up that monotony. The coaches are aware of our trip and we do it med week so it only conflicts with a few practices.

Lastly, I have spoken a lot with my youngest daughter during ball season throughout the years to let her know I’m aware it’s a lot of attention on my older daughter at this time. We talk about how over the year both girls have basketball and volleyball, and how my youngest has band and concerts, and how everyone gets to do all their activities and that my oldest’s big event of ball takes up a lot of time but that in reality everyone truly does get their time and attention when you realize it over the duration of the year. My youngest acknowledges this and has never once suggested she’s upset or feels second fiddle, and always advises she understands and is just fine with it all and is happy doing the things she also likes. That said, I do still choose to acknowledge it a few times every ball season so she knows I’m aware of the imbalance during this period of time.

Communication seems to help me, as I think it’s more a feeling of guilt on my end more than anything else, stemming back to wanting to have the same feeling of connection with both my kids. In reality I likely do, but the connections are formed in different ways. I’m more hands on with my oldest daughter and her activities which looks and feels more noticeable, but I’m more aware and attentive to my younger daughters interests and ensuring she gets to and from all the more independent activities she desires and her desires and wants are met to her satisfaction, not mine.

Is it worth it?

My oldest daughter, like many, went through just under 2 years of mental health a few years back and struggled. With ball (amongst other aids), she really came out of her shell. Going from sitting at the end of the bench and choosing to be at the end of the line for drills to not be noticed, to volunteering to coach younger teams before her games, to being paid to coach younger teams, and now she is a certified umpire and as I type this she’s on her way to umpire two games in a tournament here in the city and she is in demand to ump in the future with talks of her next season going down south and umpiring weekends at around $1000 earned with the trips and hotels and food all paid.

My youngest daughter is learning to do bike repairs. She brings her bike tools and a first aid kit every time she goes to the park and helps younger kids fix their bikes if somethings wrong. She was actually offered a job at BLine (indoor Cgy bmx park) but it did not pan out because the bike park went under due to rising costs just as they were bringing her in. But she had obtained her first aid and submitted her resume and it was all lining up until they unfortunately had to shut down. There’s a UofC biking course you need to be 16 for so we’re already looking into that for her. There is another offered at Bow Cycle we’re looking to see if is still running and waiting to hear back on age etc. She’s otherwise entered some local competitions in the bike community and has won cash prizes for tricks and timed events (etc) within her age group. We attend these. Each time she goes she seems to meet new people in the industry. Her online group following (Instagram?) is quite large and growing and pro bikers and local community bike riders and sponsors take notice of her and ask to add her and it makes her feel like she’s Queen of the world. She comes home all the time with brand new pegs, new grips, new gloves, etc, just things that the hosts of events give her and tell her to keep up the good work. It’s amazing.

It’s worth it my friend. You as the parent will be doing a LOT of running around and not have much of any down time. You’ll experience highs and lows of personal emotions the likes of which you already reached out and inquired upon wondering how you’re doing and how everyone is doing and feeling in your world. But just maintain attentiveness to all your children, your wife, your family, yourself. Let everyone feel loved, cared for, heard from, and noticed. Realize on the big picture that everyone is getting their turn, their attention, their time. Sometimes it needs to be reminded to all that everyone does get their moments and that it balances out, though not always evenly over the duration of each calendar year.

You’re here reaching out asking about all of this proactively. That means you’re already on the right track, ahead of the game, showing your worth as a good parent, and destined to have your bmx bike fixed by your younger child even if you don’t know anything about bmx biking.

Thanks for this! I feel like you're practically me from the future posting this or something. We do a family trip to Panorama every summer for similar activities, and it's that type of highlight that I wouldn't want to give up. My younger son also LOVES the pump track on his bike- that's the only athletic activity he's ever really taken to. I can hear the tension in your post about wanting the best for both of your kids, and that's definitely where I'm at as well.

Originally Posted by fotze2

One of the best parts of living is making decisions you probably would have never made if you had prior knowledge. Gotta do it.

Yeah, this is very true. I suppose these commitments are only 1 year at a time, and if it sucks or he doesn't like it or whatever we don't have to keep doing it.
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Anyway, appreciate all the comments, and would love to keep hearing people's thoughts!