2 years before covid started we had a reality fracturing horrific event happen in my extended family. It consumed my thoughts and days entirely for 2+ years, and just as it was wrapping up and people were getting closure, covid happened. I know everyone involved has/had been in a really tough spot for 5+ years… which is a wild number to type.
I evaluated, then re-evaluated my life, and then re-evaluated it 30 more times in that time frame. I had to make big changes in my life just to survive. One of them has been reducing my effort in maintaining relationships where the effort wasn’t reciprocal. This has essentially led to me losing most of what my circle would have been 6 years ago. Including family members. That’s been hard and gruelling, but I am poking my head out the other side of it lately and it’s feeling pretty good. It was absolutely the right move. I used to live with so much guilt about everything. Including me not making every possible effort to visit someone or do someone a favour. It’s been eye opening and refreshing to take a step back and see just how much of that I had manufactured in my own mind.
So, I’m in the middle high range of happiness finally. Been a long while with some scary times. I’m pretty lonely in terms of close friends, but I thankfully have a great relationship and friendship with my wife to help that.
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