This is going to sound crazy, and there's an SNL comedy skit of me talking to a therapist in here somewhere, but I am legit a target by secret shoppers - mostly at Safeway and Superstore. They're organized-ish, communicate with iPods to come at you from two angles, often in their 20s/early 30s, almost always male, not the best hygiene - frankly the type I'd suspect is up to no good.
There's the type who has a box of crackers or bag of coffee to put back on the shelf right where you're standing; the guy who thinks he's Jason F'n Bourne and tails you around the store, always stopping when you turn around to pretend to be looking at something; or the stoned dude who just walks the perimeter of the store over and over and over and doesn't give a toot about anything.
I don't know what it is about me, I am big--like 6'6 265lbs--I have deep set eyes, a 5 o'clock shadow at noon . . . I guess I look like a thief? Doesn't matter if I'm wearing a hoodie or vest, shorts and t-shirt, full-on -30 Arctic ware.
These guys were pointed out to me by my mom some time ago when I had to move in with her, and it became a joke as she followed me around the store watching people watch me (who walked with canes the the time). But now that I am more independent and on my own, I can't help but notice them, and have developed an uncanny knack for spotting them. And I hate it. I don't even like putting my phone back in my pocket for fear of being tackled. I've developed a complex. I won't even grab a basket cause it makes it worse. Giant-ass shopping buggies now.
Laugh away.
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