[Puppet Guy]

I feel like I owe Gordon Lightfoot an apology for what you're about to read:

Spoiler!

(*ahem*)

The Wreck of the Edmonton Oilers

The legend lives on from Fort Chipewyan on down
To the shore where the Bow River’s flowy
The Greasers’, it’s said, playoff hopes are long dead
When the skies of November turn snowy
Such a load of No Good, defence passed where they stood
Just like pylons at practice they cluster
From the Stanley Cup chase they can soon be erased
For the squad is so lacking in luster

The team was the pride of the Sweatpanters’ side
Skating ‘round in the District of Ice
With a roster so thin it’s as though it had been
Chewed on by hungry legions of field mice
A line-up of heels ‘cause of big money deals
That were signed by McHobo and Pissy
And a blueline so bare (much like Ron MacLean’s hair)
Makes the Wonder Twins throw such a hissy

The net, if you please, it is filled by Swiss cheese
Having no backstopper? It’s such a hobbler
Coach Woody on the bench couldn’t mask up the stench
Now they’re coached by some guy called The Knobbler
Evander’s a rat and the power play’s flat
So no extra points they’ll be stealin'
At the end of each game as the final buzzer came
T'is the curse of No Good that they’re feelin’

Columbus may stink, and the Wild too (I think)
But their records beat Edmonton’s yawners
And the ‘Hawks and the Jets they have more pucks in nets
From their rosters’ respective Connors
And further on down Sharks from San Jose town
Are holding the NHL cellar
But gone head-to-head – put the Oilers to bed
And finished the game looking stellar

From Detroit to Mulletville, poor Kenny H
Sees his legacy rendered asunder
As daily, he rues. not e’en rose-coloured hues
Can hide such a huge career blunder
The legend lives on from Fort Chipewyan on down
To the shore where the Bow River’s flowy
The Greasers’, it’s said, playoff hopes are long dead
When the skies of November turn snowy