Honestly a 2 or a 1. Not really sure even posting is a good idea, but at this point, I don't see much else. I've always been more or less alone. Not a lot of friends, and when I do have people close to me, it just doesn't end well. Not to say there's a huge fight or something, but just a sudden turn into nothingness.
I think I'm just a placeholder to most people - someone they can turn to when they have no other option, but as soon as they get that better option, they're gone. It's gone on long enough that I know the issue is with me, but every time I try something, I fail at it. ANd it's not just one or two people, it's everyone.
My family lives about an hour away. I tend to go out there once a week, and it's a fine. A couple of weeks ago, my dad and my brother were literally 5 minutes away from my place, and couldn't even be bothered to ask if I was home or anything. I can't imagine they would do that with any other family member. I get not wanting to drive an hour, but when you're literally 5 minutes away and don't have to go home by a certain time? I've lived in a different city from my family for over a year now; yet the only people that ever came, were if they needed to be at the airport early in the morning for a flight. Other than that, nothing.
But this isn't new, and it's not specific to family. Just the way it is. Friends ghost until they have an issue, and then it's back. It's really at the point where I just can't be bothered to try meeting new people, because I know how it's going to end, and I don't want to go through it anymore. But just everywhere I go, I just don't feel like I belong, and I know I don't connect well with others.
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