[Biff]

And now for my second fart story of this thread. Speaking of wooden seats....

I'm a teen-ager, sitting in church up in the balcony with the rest of the hip people, immersed in my own coolness and self-importance when, suddenly, I am gripped by the irresistable urge. I attempt to perform a GSR (Gradual Slow Release) but, much to my chagrin, the colonic beast refuses to go slowly and quietly and, instead, proceeds to vacate at speed. It is, perhaps, a coincidence of church pew design, but in this instance, the natural curvature of the wooden pew provided just the right acoustic chamber effect and the result was a gaseous rasp that sounded like the growl of a particularly malevolent denizen of the underworld. In the resulting silence, my younger niece who was visiting from out of town gladly announced "Ewwwww, Biff farted!". Good times. (*Name has been witheld to protect the guilty).