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Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby
ask 9 people you'll get 9 answers. Speaking up and challenging folks when you see or hear shady #### is a good place to start, because it takes the burden of the visibly queer or maybe even closeted person in the room.
Personally, I just hate the term 'ally' because I find it sort of used so much it's meaningless. I hear you though about speaking off the cuff etc. I can still #### up people's pronouns. It's a process and a journey and grace is a big part of that.
I am just tired of the 'be nicer, you'll use allies' arguement
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I wrote this a few years ago -
Let’s talk a bit about allyship. I don’t think an ally should ever have to call themselves an ally because their actions speak so much louder than their words. What does an ally do?
To me, an ally:
- Uses the correct gender pronouns and if they mess up, they apologize and correct themselves
- Calls out homophobic and transphobic behaviour when they see or hear it
- Listens when they need to listen, learns when they need to learn, speaks out when they need to speak out, acts when they need to act, leads when they need to lead, follows when they need to follow
- Respects queer spaces - for example: bringing drunken bachelor/bachelorette parties to queer spaces isn’t always problematic but definitely can become problematic!
- Showing up at a pride parade is, at best, a very minimum standard. It’s welcome but queer issues are not a one day a year event but a 365 days (or 366) a year reality.
- Respects the entire alphabet - not just a single letter. The queer community is not just gay men or lesbians. It is a diverse group of people who have very different experiences and face different challenges. You are either an ally to the entire queer community or you are not an ally at all.
- Is willing to take a public stand. Learn about the queer issues that are being dealt with today and do something about them.
- Doesn’t see their work to support queer people as a threat to their own heterosexuality. An ally is ok being viewed as possibly being queer because they don’t feel the need to broadcast their own sexuality when fighting for others.
- Adopts an intersectional approach to understanding queer and gender issues. Understand privilege dynamics and how race, religion, gender identity, economic status, sexual orientation, and disabilities intersect to create different experiences. Embrace our different experiences rather than assume that queer people all have similar life experiences.
- Avoids seeing their queer friends as only defined by exclusively by their queerness. Queer people aren’t mascots. We don’t want to be your “sassy gay coworker”. We want to be your friend or your coworker.
Being an ally is hard work but genuine allies are a huge part of making social change.