Quote:
Originally Posted by CroFlames
Was just looking for some perspectives, so thanks for the replies. I'm not a "hard no" on having another baby, I'm just not excited at the prospect of even more work.
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I mean, like... I've heard more kids at 3+ gets super easy. Supposedly if the kids are older, you train them to take care of each other after a certain point. It's like child labour nannies and baby sitters... But I don't know how much of that is true and how much of it is bull#### and how much of that is denial from those with a lot of kids.
I mean, it also depends on why your wife wants another. If it's the baby smell and stuff like that, start offering to help new parents by playing with their kids more so that the parents can get a breather. If it's to address the fact the kids are becoming more self sufficient and she wants someone close, then perhaps not. I've heard of a pet becoming kid #3+ in a scenario like this.
I think you're kinda aware of it but can't put your finger down to identify it, but figure out if this #4 thing is a temporary feeling or an actual long term thing. Delaying it is an option, especially if you can pawn off a ton of the responsibilities to a child who is older. If your kids were closer in age, this wasn't an option. But if there's a bit more of a gap, it's easier to do stuff like, "Hey, go fetch this for me." or "Take this to mom" or "Take care of your sibling while we do this thing" etc.
I also don't know if you have a "the window is in the next 18 months" scenario or if you can choose to wait 24-36 months to revisit the issue and see what happens. Having a kid at an advanced age has risks, which is why I wonder if there's a time concern.
Also, what do you drive? If you're going from 5 total to 6 and you're not in a/multiple vehicle(s) that
comfortably seats 6, that's a consideration that needs to be addressed. It also depends on whether the grandparents like piling into the same vehicle as mine/in-laws do. I'm basically maxed out vehicle wise unless I decide to buy/rent a tour bus for those scenarios.
If after pointing out these considerations that need to be addressed before having a 4th, and the idea isn't dead in the water, I think it'll give you insight whether this is a short term thing or a long term thing for your wife. I think just highlighting the facts objectively that another kid is an uphill battle will be enough.
My wife does a little of the same because she wants to play with babies. But she is not interested in rearing a kid and often laments about how we didn't realize it was so much easier with just one vs two, so I know it's just a temporary phase and not an actual desire for another. Also, I've had my vasectomy, so we aren't having another unless fate intervenes.