Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleF
IMO two primary genders is not confusing. Our current world is literally like this. The vast majority of individual for now identify as male/female and gender norms wise we typically have male/female washrooms. As such, we have a gender norm expectations for these two primary categories. My thought process is that in this era of humanity, we teach kids how things are now. Then we equip them on how to address potential future change because there are a small current minority who fall into a category that is not the vast majority two.
If we are starting from scratch, I agree with you. But my kids are not starting from scratch. They are in this world so they will be part of the generation that has to embrace the flaws of this world and then change it from within.
Whether male and female will no longer be appropriate as the "vast majority" in the future, I do not know. But my comments are based on the fact that this is the reality we have as of now. That's why I suggested the path that I did above and that's how I personally plan on teaching my kids going forward. I'm not on the cutting edge of understanding this scenario, but I can only say that I plan on doing my best and doing it in a way that I feel is fair to my wife and I and our children. I grew up in an era where there was intolerance and disrespect. I've distilled things down to focusing on the acceptance and respect of all. Beyond that, I don't know. This is ultimately is still a topic that is relatively new to me.
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I know you’re obviously coming from a good place and I’m not about to tell you how to parent your children. Teach them whatever you think is the right thing to teach them in the way you think is appropriate.
But I will say this: in terms of whether teaching two “primary” genders is confusing or not, it depends. It won’t be if the intent is to get them to adhere to today’s gender norms. It won’t be if the kids are cisgender. And it won’t be if they never learn any different. But, they will eventually learn different. They may not cisgender. And conforming to gender norms may not be important.
It’s not confusing if the goal is to maintain the conservative, “status quo” view of gender. It is confusing if the goal is to equip them with information on how the world actually is today.
Kids ARE starting from scratch. They don’t know anything. They don’t understand gender the way adults understand it. They will learn from their environment, experiences, and the context provided by parents, friends, teachers, doctors, etc. Every kid is a clean slate. So, you can choose how that slate gets filled, but it’s a lot more difficult to build a foundation without that wider knowledge and then try to fill it in later than build that wider knowledge into the foundation (with age appropriate terms and references).
You can teach kids about gender expression by teaching them that it is OK to express themselves however they want. If a little girl wants to dress like her brother and cut her hair, so what? If a little boy see’s another boy wearing makeup and says “Isn’t makeup for girls?” you can explain that people express themselves in different ways without diving in to a wikipedia-level explanation of the term “genderqueer” or whatever, you know?
I don’t see it as different than the sexuality conversation. There are age appropriate versions of it. You can gently explain that sometimes boys love or marry other boys and that it’s completely natural without getting into a talk about sex or gay rights.
By the time kids are ready to learn about gender in a serious way, they’re ready to learn about the complexity of it. Until then, there’s nothing wrong with distilling it down to a form that is age appropriate. Just don’t make the mistake of accidentally distilling gender itself down to something it isn’t on your way to doing so.
Kids are capable learners. They’ll learn a ton from their environment and everyone else. Just give them the context required to know that whoever they are is OK and not knowing who they are is OK too, and to be kind and accepting of everyone else. If you think the way to do that is to start off their gender education by instilling the idea that there are two primary genders, I’ll agree to disagree.