[Itse]

As someone who's suffered from various issues since childhood but has managed to come out of them, I have some thoughts/advice on this topic.

- It's never just in your head, and it's never just you. Yes, if you feel terrible all the time seeking therapy and/or medication is probably a good idea, but I've never met a depressed person with problems that were all in their head. Unhealthy relationships, toxic work environment, excessive stress, housing situation... People have a tendency to think that none of their problems are "that big" or "special", or "I shouldn't be this troubled by this completely normal stuff everyone deals with", but that's BS. First of all, very likely "everyone" also has problems with that stuff, and second: if it really bothers you it really bothers you. Most of the time there's stuff you can change about your life that would help. (Some level of burnout is super common.)

- Sleep is a must, and you probably need more than you think you do. Depression can easily add anything from 1-4 hours to the amount of sleep you'll need per day. Don't be ashamed of the amount of sleep you need. Naps are also great. If you start sleeping 12 hours a day, that's not even a high number, I've seen higher. If you're not sleeping, it's pretty close to impossible to not feel like crap. And if you do feel horrible all the time and you're not sleeping enough, it's quite possible the lack of sleep is 90% of the reason why you feel like you do. Sleep deprivation is literally torture.

- Healing inside the head is slow. Six months is very short, 3-4 years is nothing special. Accept this. Don't blame yourself for taking "so long". Make sure people around you understand this. Consider the ramifications together with your family. If for example your partner thinks they can just do everything while they wait for you to get better, after a year or two there's a really high chance they will have burned themselves out. Extra pairs of hands are great, ask for help and make adjustments. Maybe your friends can take the kids out of the house sometimes, maybe there's a family member who can pick up the kids from school. Maybe you can find the money somewhere to eat more takeout, or maybe you can eat at a friends place sometimes. Consider the amount of hobbies everyone has etc. Tell your partner they need to take care of themselves too and take breaks, because they might otherwise feel like they're being selfish. Don't let your partner burn themselves out by letting them do everything for extended periods of time. Many partners will burn themselves to the ground if you let them, because they love you, and that's exactly the kind of stupid thing people in love have a tendency to do.

- Goals are great, and any little thing that feels like it's not too difficult and might help is good goal. You can't fix all your life at once, and no single improvement is likely to magically fix all your problems, but it all still helps, and it's easier to pick at one or two things at a time.

For example, I used to have a really overly negative and self-deprecating way of talking about myself and my personal history. Once a friend pointed this out to me (in a chat, where the proof was undisputable), I spent like a year just trying to get out of that habit. Or really, those two habits. I tried to find nicer things to think about in my past, and I paid attention to the way I spoke about myself, and actively tried saying positive things. In retrospect it probably only took about eight months or so to start talking about myself in a nicer way, and considering I was around 40 at that point, it was basically a blink of an eye relatively speaking.

I also at one point decided that I wanted to try different medication options (not more, but different), and even though I was in kind of a bad shape, focusing on that one goal was simple enough to do, and the extra effort ended up being really worth it. Even if hadn't been worth it, it had bothered me that I was basically on the first drug someone had prescribed me, and I felt that I needed to know what else is out there just to ease my mind.

- Asking for help is great, and venting is great.

At one point when I felt that I was afraid I was unloading too much stuff to my friends, I asked a bunch of them if they would join a chat support group for me, and that was a great idea if I say so myself. I maybe used that group 3-4 times, but every time it was some very big thing or worry I needed to get off my chest, and it was nice to not worry about "do they want to hear this". They had specifically signed up for it, and because the support chat group had half a dozen people in it, it basically meant that if any one, two or three people at that moment weren't feeling like they could actually deal with my stuff at that time, there was still always someone who was there for me with a little emoji or some words of comfort. Just the awareness of "My Awesome Support Group" (the literal title of the chat) existing was a ton of comfort. It was a very literal reminder that I had friends who cared.

- It probably helps to let people around you know what's really going on with you. Even if you're not asking anyone to do anything for you, I've found that just dealing with everyday life became a lot easier once I started telling the important people around me that I've got these problems I'm dealing with. It helped with the shame I was feeling, and it just helped me relax socially, made life a bit less stressful. It was nice to not have to come up with excuses for stuff I wasn't up for, and just not having to worry about people noticing that there was something wrong with me. They already knew there was something wrong, and I didn't have to explain it anymore, and that was just nice.