[Minnie]

From my own perspective, not so much a commentary on Fleury but...

I am someone who was SA'd twice, as a child (not by my parents - a relative and a religious "leader") Had some adults in my life make some very inappropriate commentary as a very young adult (19), who were in positions of power where, had I made it public, would have lost those positions due to the nature.

I have experienced severe abuse in every other form, at the hands of my parents, to the point of 5 suicide attempts, only 1 of which, until this weekend, anyone was ever aware of. That abuse continued into my adult years, even physical, after I was married and a mother in my own right. I finally put a stop to the physical side by standing up for myself and giving a wallop right back, at age 26. The physical abuse stopped after that. When I say I walloped back that time, that isn't an indication of "minor" abuse - it just happened to be the most minor physical abuse I ever suffered. I could relate to you, all the manner of physical abuse I endured, and you'd remove your ability to hear, just so you didn't have to hear it. I know that I did not incur things like repeated concussions, due to a couple of MRIs in the past few years, though I had at least 1 known/documented concussion. My back is permanently effed from the abuse, due to the nature of how my father, and to a degree my mother, would inflict some of the abuse. That's not even 1/100th of what happened.

That doesn't even take into account the emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse that occurred. That was almost as severe as the physical abuse. We can throw some religious trauma in there too, as my father was a minister.

The point to the above is that none of that should be used to excuse me. I am still functioning. I did a ton of hard work on myself over the years, most of it occurring after I went full no contact with my mother 12 years ago (my father has been dead for 20 years). Does all the trauma inform how I relate to the world and those around me? Sure. The trauma I endured, and survived may explain why I think or feel or behave, or react in certain situations or in certain contexts - but what it doesn't give me a pass for, or is a justification for, is to perpetuate harmful behaviour, in whatever form that takes.

In the end, I am responsible and should be held accountable, as much as anyone else. My abuse and trauma doesn't give me the right to avoid taking responsibility, just as it doesn't give any other survivor of abuse and trauma the right to avoid responsibility. In fact, avoiding responsibility and accountability is something that will impede healing and/or growth, by using it as a cudgel and clinging to/claiming permanent victimhood. It is/was beholden on me, to break that chain of suffering and abuse, so that it didn't proliferate down the line, so to speak.

It's hard work, it's unpleasant work, it's work that will rip your heart out, shatter it into a million pieces, #### with your head in ways you never knew it could, but it is necessary work. It's probably work that will never be finished, because something will always crop up, that you've forgotten or compartmentalized in order to just survive. I'm not perfect - ie. I'm not the perfect "victim" because I'm doing the work. I struggle, I slip up, I have used my trauma to try and excuse myself. But, what I have done when that happens, is recognize it, make reparation to those I've harmed and do more work on myself. I made the choice. It's something we all do. I should be dead - I only got lucky that some of the abuse didn't kill me, or that the suicide attempts weren't successful. I'm still here and I want to enjoy being here, for as long as I can.