Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch
If you are in the same situation, with a parent that struggling with a spouse with this awful disease, I think its really important to control the environment, its super important to for lack of a better way of saying it, support the spouse so they don't interpret things based on their feelings at the time.
Again parents become the children and its sad.
Anyways, again, I'm here if anyone is going through this situation.
|
I totally get this part. My mom understands that my dad has dementia but struggles with who he has become. He's not the same, yet he's not that terrible. She's able to care for him, but resents that and is dealing with a lot of anxiety. Being the only child, I'm dealing with a lot of pressure. I call her 6 or 7 days per week and visit at least once per week yet I get the feeling from her that I have to quit my job, disown my kids and get a divorce so I can focus 100% of my time on them.
She has a lot of ups and downs and tries to make me feel guilty about how she feels. It angers me when she does that, yet I'm now seeing a lot of what she did to my wife. We used to always leave their place (or they leave ours) and my wife would be hurt because of something my mom said to her. She would do it in private, and now she's doing the same to me. As soon as she gets someone in private she says mean things, or insinuates mean things in a very passive aggressive way.
After Christmas my kids said she was such an angry person, one of them wondering what he did to make her so mad. She never even tried to interact with them at all.
If this weren't my mom but a friend I'd just cut her out of my life. Unfortunately I have a duty to take care of her in spite of how she is behaving towards me. I also see a duty to be an example to my kids to show them how to care for my wife and I when we're old and difficult. A duty to make sure I'm senile that I don't treat my kids terribly and have understanding when they can't be there for me 24x7x365.